Kaworu Ore No Ai. Shinji Ore No Kokoro. (Kaworu My Love. Shinji My Soul.)

Sayonara Days (Farewell Days)

Shinji and Kaworu meet once again in another dimension. In this AU Shinji betrays Kaworu leading up to the moment of Kaworu having total domination. What will Kaworu's choices be? Are they ever meant to be together? This is a shounen ai story.
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When I blink I see my own reflection in his eyes, and it's only then that I realize how different I must look to him. A new colour, dress, fighting style...a new life. Everything changed from that one decision he made. The razor sharp blade is pressed at his chest and it slowly draws blood, but I refuse to press harder. His weapon lays on the street, too far for him to grasp. His hands are pinned above his head to the wall with my open hand. One movement and he is dead, in other words, I have complete control.

Although he smiles still, and it reminds me of the time when we were so utterly alone that we smiled with thin air and happiness that didn't really exist. Did it? I had him, and he had I? What more did we want then. That was the time I stole it first, and I don't even think he realized.

//In his apartment building, sitting conversing and watching time pass from the continual tick of the clock. His sad eyes looked out the window at the children with their parents, and the people with their lovers. His pencil slowly dropped from his fingers as he sank to the floor next to me. "Kaworu, why are we always alone? Why is it just us?"

As he looked at his hands with that genuinely sad smile. I gently kissed him on the forehead to reassure him I was all he needed, "Am I not enough?" I whispered. He then grabbed me by my shirt holding me in a tight embrace and he laughed slightly to himself.//

It was a day I'll never forget. Now, that smile of sadness, he wears it now. Cause now he believes it is the end. He doesn't even struggle any more. I was probably the one he wanted to kill him. He told me that before. Not long after the first, came the second.

//"Kaworu, have you heard about all the attacks lately?" His voice full of enthusiasm slowly faded away. The once crisp air of the city streets, once a safe place, was groggy and smoke filled. "You know, we're vulnerable targets..." I hadn't really thought about it like that until he said it. "But I don't want anyone to kill me. Promise me you'll hold the knife when I die, okay?"

Not knowing what to say, a soft press of my lips to his nose reminded him that I could never do that and I didn't want to.//

I still don't want to. When did my goal in life become killing my best friend? Did Shinji predict this? Or is he as confused as I am...

I can't look him in the eyes. For whenever I do, I'm reminded of that other day. His eyes are not full of hatred as I would predict, but full of admiration and loneliness at the same time. The third was his however.

//"Hey Kaworu, look over there." A bird soared over the buildings and circled right above us. "That's you. You could get up and leave the city whenever you want to, but you stay. Just like you could leave my side and you'd be fine, but you stay."

The bird was an elegant black crow. It's sleek feathers gave it the illusion of a bullet being shot in a swift circle. I knew Shinji was right. I could get up and leave whenever I wanted, but he, he'd struggle without my support. He looked at me in admiration in the fact that I had stayed with him this entire time, but loneliness in fear that I would leave him now.

How wrong he was. "I'd never leave your side. You mean too much to me."

"Kaworu," the words were whispered under his breath. Then a tingling and warm sensation flooded my left ear as he gently pressed his lips to my ear and whispered my name again.//

One quick slice could end it all. Shinji could disappear from the world, but these memories will never fade. My heart is overriding my brain. Am I just a hypocrite? When I say I hate Shinji Ikari...when in truth...I love him dearly.

A kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the nose, a kiss on the ear, and a kiss on the lips.

Total dominance. My decision.

As I lean forward and feel his breath mingle with mine, he whispers, "Is this the end Kaworu?"

I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying how close I am to the person I love the most on this earth. The wind blows through the desolate back-street alley we destroyed during our battle causing my hair to flow around his face, almost encasing him completely for me. "No Shinji. This is the beginning."

I quickly pushed my knife into his bosom and see the life slowly seep out of his brilliant blue hues. A small smile crawling onto my face.

"A new beginning for you and me." And with this I felt his body fall limp, onto me.