CEO of My Heart

Chapter 7: Just Ask

I was walking back and forth inside the conference room adjacent to Carl's office.

My thoughts were racing.

Today is my scheduled interview shoot with him. Exactly a week after he dropped the bomb on me. So, apart from being the VP of one of the company subsidiaries, he is now also the head of the company's new digital business.

Ikaw na talaga, Carl!

The events in the past few weeks have left me baffled, confused. I don't exactly know what to make of it. Sure, I am getting attention from one of the most sought-after bachelors in the company. As to why, I don't exactly know.

Naaaliw lang ba siya sa akin? Wala ba siyang ibang friends to hang out with? Sawa na ba siyang makasama ang mga katulad niyang executives kaya natitiyaga siya sa isang "commoner" na katulad ko?

Ang haba ng hair mo girl! Kayo na ba?

Ang swerte mo naman! Nanliligaw na ba?

Kailan mo sasagutin?

Paano kayo naging close?

People in the office would ask me such questions pero wala naman akong maisagot. Kasi nga, ako rin naman nagtatanong. And as of today, I do not know the answer to those questions.

Mahirap mag-assume. Ayoko rin naman siyang i-confront. Paano kung wala lang pala talaga? Paano kung nagiging masyado akong malisyosa, or worse, ilusyonada?

Ayokong maging ilusyonada.

Real talk. This is all new to me. I am not used to getting this much attention from someone. Hindi naman ako pangit sabi ng nanay ko. Pero I never saw myself as attractive. Back in high school, I was never chosen to be the muse of the basketball team, or mag-perform sa mga school programs kasi nga feeling ko, yung mga magaganda lang yung pinipili. But I was fine with that. I never wanted to be in the spotlight that way anyway. Hindi man ako sikat sa school programs, I made my mark on other things like quiz bees or poetry and essay writing contests. Stick to the stuff you know, ika nga.

Hanggang ngayon, dala-dala ko yan sa isip ko, hindi ako yung tipo ng taong madalas piliin. Kapag may gusto akong makuha, kailangan paghirapan. So, with what's been happening lately, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang iisipin ko. I have been trying to ignore whatever it is that's been happening. Much as I would like to settle the real score, ayoko ring mapahiya. Baka wala naman talaga.

So, dedma na lang muna.

For now, I must focus on the task at hand. My past week was spent prepping for this interview. Hindi lang naman ito kasing-simple ng magtatanong lang ako tapos sasagot siya. It was much more than that. Kinailangan ko talagang mag-ipon ng composure at self-restraint.

Though we've had a number of personal conversations with him, iba naman ito eh. Trabaho ito. So, dapat professional ako. And how will I be able to do that if I blush at the mere sight of his smile? How can I stop my thoughts from being derailed once I hear his voice, much more, his laughter? Ang hirap. Iniisip ko pa lang namimilipit na ako sa nerbyos. And the cold temperature inside the conference room was not helping.

Pero naniniwala pa rin ako na ang lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa tamang preparation. So, that's what I did. In the past few days, I practiced. I listed down the possible questions I should ask him. I practiced asking those questions in front of the mirror. Paulit-ulit until ma-perfect ko. Because I cannot falter. I simply cannot. Not this time. Not in this life.

Bawal kiligin.

Huwag tutunganga.

Presence of mind.