Scrappy Holiday: A Short Story Collection

"Journalistic Prowess"

            Dear Principal Rodriguez and Staff,

Meats. That's what it's all about. Present on a topic you're interested in, they said. Look to the greats for inspiration, they said. So I did. Upton Sinclair is a frickin' genius. What a guy. Revolutionary as balls, even.

Now, this is only one pubescent dreamer's opinion, but reporting on the fallacies of the meatpacking industry is like a right of passage in the field of journalism. From The Jungle to Fast Food Nation, the meat business is just begging to be chewed up and spat back out.

And you know why even a greenie can report on such a topic? Because it's untouchable! No matter how much muck you rake from that industry, nobody'll ever lay a finger on you. Right after Americans see a story about how nasty their patty is, they turn right around and buy another burger. That's greased up! They're so distractable. Like frickin' fruit flies or something.

Unfortunately, my journalistic prowess was too much for a mere social studies class to handle. As it turns out, it's highly frowned upon to present "rumors," and it's inappropriate to show "grotesque and unsettling images" of frickin' chickens and cows to your fellow sixth graders. I don't get it! It's not like any of us don't know what a tongue looks like. That one just happened to be detached.

That's why you've placed me in detention. This ain't unsettling, this is reality! Wake up and smell the blended and deep fried roses, Mrs. Thompson! If I, arguably the most capable of the class of 2022, cannot exercise my free speech on this topic, then who will? This is absurd! I DEMAND JUSTICE!

Sincerely,

An Aspiring Gift to Humanity

P.S.- My mom packed a ham sandwich for me and the mayo better not be room temperature by the time I get out of here.