Destined For You

~Chapter 4~

Hi readers! Just a teeny warning, this chapter will have a teeny flashback of Javen's mum when she hit him it's only a small part but I wanted to let you know just in case.

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"I just found something out that's going to change my life forever. I'm pregnant! It's definite because I just used a pregnancy test and it's positive. I don't know what to do now, should I go tell Javen? Oh no Javen! How will he react? I'm sure he'll be happy, but what if he isn't? What if he doesn't want me anymore? No, Javen wouldn't do that to me, or the baby. But what if he expects me to get an abortion? I could never do that, I'm against abortion. Okay it doesn't matter whether he's happy or unhappy about the baby, either way I want to be here to bring up my child, even if it means doing it without him.

He must have got me pregnant the other day because that was when my parents were out so we er... yeah you get the point. It's not like it was the first time. We've actually been doing it pretty often since a few years ago, so it's weird how I'm suddenly pregnant now.

I'm kinda unsure of how I feel about this. I feel excited of course, but I also feel worried and scared. How can I give our baby a good life, what if I can't be a good enough Mum? I'm one day away from being a proper adult and I'm already pregnant, oh no and worst of all what's Mum and Dad going to say?

Okay I need to stay calm, the first thing I need to worry about is telling Javen then we can sort out what to do next together. That's all that matters right now. I'm going to find him now, I need him so bad. I know I said before that I'd bring up the baby with or without him, but who am I kidding? I need him to be by my side and tell me that everything will be okay, that me and the baby are his top priority, that he will protect, look after us and most of all love us.

Alright, I'm going to drive to his house and see if he's home. I can do this, I just need to breath. Wish me luck?"

My jaw drops as her words settle in and realisation hits me. Her diary falls from my hands; my body goes numb and still. My heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest. Suddenly a shaky sob leaves my throat and tears fall down my cheeks. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, it rises until I feel like I will actually throw up. I run into Lu's bathroom and throw up into her sink. When I'm done I rest my head on the edge of her sink and breathe in and out deeply.

I raise my head slowly and catch a glimpse of myself in her mirror. My face is completely white, all colour gone. My hair is messy, my eyes dead looking. I'd be better off dead right now. So Luella isn't the only person stolen from me, but my child too! The child I didn't even know about until now. The love of my life and my child both gone, we could have been happy, so, so happy.

I suddenly feel angry and punch the mirror so it smashes and the glass shatters to the floor. I look down at my clenched fist that is now glistening with crimson blood and cuts from punching the mirror.

"Who's in there?!" I hear a voice yell from the hall outside the bedroom.

The next thing I know is the door being kicked open by Ramiro holding a baseball bat.

I look at him through the smashed mirror.

"Javen? What are you doing here? Are you alright? What happened to the mirror?" He asks as he drops the bat. His eyes widen in shock when he notices the state I'm in.

I don't reply.

"Javen, your fist..." He says quietly.

"I don't give a fuck about my fist. I just found out that not only Luella died, but my child died too!! I should've been the one to die in that crash! Not her!" I yell without turning around.

"What? Javen what are you talking about? What child? Javen calm down" Ramiro asks as he moves closer to me.

"My fucking child! Mine and Lu's" I yell at first but I say the last part quietly, squeezing my eyes shut.

"How did you find this out? You're confused, come and sit down downstairs, calm down a bit" He doesn't believe me.

"I'm not confused! You have no right to tell me to calm down! We aren't even family!"

I spin around and glare at him.

"Come on son, just come with me" He says calmly as he steps closer to me and tries to put his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't you dare call me your son! Don't even touch me!" I yell as I push past him and out of the bathroom.

"Alright but where are you going?" He asks as he follows me.

I walk over to the window and am about to climb out when I say darkly "To live my screwed up life"

I climb out of the window without waiting for an answer and climb back down the tree, only to hear Ramiro's desperate calls before I run off into the darkened night.

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When Luella was alive I made her a promise that I'd never turn back to excessively drinking alcohol again, that I'd never turn back to the addictions I had in the dark depths of my past. That's right, I had an alcohol problem. My only escape from the cold harsh world that was once my reality, a flash of a memory crashes through my mind of my mum smacking me hard across my face repeating the words "It was your fault! You're the reason he left!". I can still smell the strong, stale, stench of her breath invading my nose as she screamed those words.

I shake my head to rid my mind of those haunting memories.

"That'll be £39.00 please"

I look up at the impatient face of a shop assistant.

"What?"

"£39.00" She repeats with a raise of her thickly drawn on eyebrow.

I'm in a random corner shop about to purchase two bottles of vodka to drown away my thoughts. I quickly hand her the money as she accepts it with a dramatic role of her eyes.

I rush out of the shop and to the nearest alleyway only to slide into a sitting position and take a swig of the burning liquid.

The only thing I have left to do is to finish screwing up my life.

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Hi again! Another authors note sorryyy haha I wanted to talk to you guys, so this was chapter 4 omg already! And my plan is to upload at least once a week hopefully, I hope you like it so far! I'd love to know your thoughts and votes would be lovely too, something to help push me a bit more for weekly uploads ;)

Poor Javen! :( Next chapter things are going to get a little firey for Luella as her adventure begins....