Stupid

Stupid Part 2

Chapter 3

Freddy began his descent into drug and alcohol addiction.  He discovered cocaine, he constantly had a rolled up dollar bill in his hand.  I thought Freddy was ridiculous.  He had gold teeth, a big Afro and was tall and skinny.  People said he was handsome but I couldn't see it.  Freddy was so insecure that no matter what degrees it was outside her wore a pair of pants under his clothes.  I guess that was  suppose to make him look larger.  I couldn't tell you how tall he was because he wore these high heeled half boot shoes all the time.  One of mark chores was to shine Freddy's shoes.  Mark was probably the only one who hated those boots more than me.

Yes, Freddy had issues.  He had a huge drug problem, he was abusive and had OCD.  Steiner was a house of horrors.  We were taught that no one could  help us not even our Mother.  We were nothing, something unwanted and in the way. Freddy made sure we knew our value.  He only used my name when my Mom was home, which wasn't often.  He called me stupid and encouraged my baby brother call me that too. We were literally slaves.  We cooked, cleaned and catered to Jay.

We only could play outside if that's what Jay wanted.  The entire neighborhood knew what was going on but they just stood back and watched.  The kids in the neighborhood all looked out for us.  If we snuck out they would all guard the entrances and let us know when our family car pulled in so we would have time to make it to the house.   You could hear the warning "they're here " being passed through the complex.  We never got caught.

Aunt Jean was beginning to be sick all the time. They said she had cancer.  My weekends came to a halt.  I began to be tortured seven days a week.  Freddy would come into my room daily and just say "stupid bitch" over and over again until I began to do stupid stuff, like put the butter in the oven and the pots in the Refrigerator . I developed a nervous giggle and what began as an act took on life and I wasn't able to stop doing stuff like that until my mid Twenty's.

We took naps until we were in damn near junior high school.  That was the only time of day Jay had to do what we did.  I never once went to sleep.  I would pretend and watch as Freddy came in and got Jessica and took her from the room every day.  I assumed it was because she was older and didn't have to nap as long as we did.   Freddy would come in and bite us on our butts asking us if we were creaming.  We didn't understand the question, at least not until later.

Although our relationship with our Mother was growing distant she taught us to stick together.  All for one and one for all.  If one was fighting, we were all fighting.  If one got left behind, we all stayed behind.  Except Jay, we were taught he came first.  We were never to let him get hurt by nobody and nothing.  If a dog was coming we better let it bite us rather than him.  We were told this from the beginning it was drilled so much that it was almost an instinct.  Because there was no research into the truth.  Whatever Jay said was how it went. He began to lie just to watch us get whooped.  Freddy would actually allow him to stay in the room when he beat us and we were told not to tell anyone or we would get much worse.  I began to despise Him.  I tortured him whenever I could and threatened him into not telling.  Whenever he was left alone with us I tried to extract as much revenge as I could.  He never told or lied on me.  I didn't realize how lucky I was that he didn't tell.  I probably wouldn't be telling this tale now if he had.  Although, Jay made me sick I still had this unnatural need to protect him.  I loved him and wouldn't allow anyone to hurt him.  I still feel that impulse to protect him to this day.

Freddy's family would come and visit.  They treated us like animals.  We would be sent outside while they visited.  They're children weren't allowed to play with us and they would stand on the porch and tease us.  One of Freddy's nieces socked Mark in the eye and he pushed her down.  Freddy promptly grabbed mark and whooped him and took him into the house.  He came back Marc at his side sobbing in a dress and black mary jane shoes.  He told us this is what happens to boys who hit girls.  We stared at him incredously.  Freddy marched him to the front porch and made him stand there.  Marc was sobbing like the world was ending for the entire hour that Freddy made him stand there. It was horrible.  Freddy's family laughed and laughed while he did this to my brother.  I thought that Freddy was a monster in his own right but he was raised to be one.  Not one family member felt like what he was doing was wrong.

The neighbors apparently had had enough and told my Mother what had happened that day.  She was furious but not a match for a highly intoxicated Freddy.  She shook his drunk ass awake and screamed at him.  He woke up dragged her to the room and beat her for what seemed like hours.  He came back out with an extension cord and beat Mark and then us.  Afterwards he staggered out to his car and drove off.  We lay in our rooms until the pain eased.

"Help me."  We heard Mama whisper from her room.

We walked to her door.  "help me." She said again

"Let's get her out."  I said.

"No." Jessica said in whisper.

"We have to help her." Katy cried

"No, because when he comes back we are going to get it worse if we let her out."Jessica said

"She's right." Marc said.

"NO, I'm helping her!" I said

"You go right ahead and see what happens." Jessica said in a hard voice. "She's just gonna let it happen again."

"She can't help us and we can't help her." Marc said sadly

Katy started to cry and Jessica grabbed her and went back to our room.  Marc just looked at me for a minute and turned around and went to his room too.

I sat by Mama's door and leaned my head against it.

"Mama are you alright?" I asked the door.

"I don't know ." she said brokenly

"Can't you open the door?"  I asked

"No, I'm handcuffed to the door." She said "But the key is in here."

I stared at the door for along time.  I finally jiggled the door.  "The doors locked." I told her.

"Go get a butter knife." Mama said

I ran downstairs, got the butter knife and ran back to Mama.  "I got it." I said

"Okay, now put it on the side near the lock, that's good, now jiggle it until it pops."  She said.  I did what she told me and the door popped open.  She was sitting in a chair bloody and naked.  I started crying.  My beautiful Mama looked broken.

"Don't cry MiMi." She whispered. " Look in the night stand and get the key and unlock me." She said looking away, ashamed.

I found the key and unlocked her.  She stood shakily and went to the bathroom mirror to check the damages.  Her eyes and lips were swollen.  She also had a bruise on her cheek and bite marks on her shoulder and arms.

"Now wake your brothers and sisters up we're getting out of here." She said with a grimace.

I ran and woke everyone.  We quickly packed and went straight to Aunt Jeans.

Aunt Jean had been in remission for a couple of months and was feeling better.  She was happy we had left the monster. She told Mama she should have came a long time ago.

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