Killing an Emperor

The Assignment

1.

I sit in an office

a circular office

with walls painted white

like an innocent rose

and a light wooden floor

that creaks when I lean forward

in my small plastic chair.

I tap my foot on the ground

and listen to the snapping

under my long heels.

2.

I'm waiting in anxiety

the feeling is overtaking my body,

I have become a live wire

trembling as if I were a kitten

trapped in the rains of spring.

I am terrified

for my when my commander enters

through the tall wooden door

that looms like a mountain

tall and threatening,

I will know my next assignment.

3.

This may sound simple

but I have a particular duty

one that requires particular skills

that are not completely legal,

I live a life of espionage

and go throughout my days

not knowing whether or not I will see

the sun shine over my small porch

for yet another day.

I lack the normalcy

associated with being a woman

I will never have a breath of life

be emitted from my ovaries

or watch as a child

crafted from my sexual pleasures

grows old and dies.

Clearly, I am worried

for I may be discharged

like snot into a tissue

discarded and thrown into the trash

for I am expendable

and hold little value to my two agencies

besides my looks and athletics,

which sounds objectifying

and as if I am demeaning myself

which I watch myself do

every morning when I enter the US embassy or the KGB,

but this is my solemn duty in life

to protect myself from the filth that lurks

in the Moscow shadows.

4.

Then, I hear a creak.

A loud creak

one that alerts me to a change