Fix the Broken (Jelsa)

*Chapter Fifteen*

I suddenly sit up with a deep heave of breath. My racing heart pounds against my bosom as I take heaves of inhales of air into my burning lungs. I continue to pant as lay a hand upon my bosom to calm my erratic pounding rhythm of my heart. Cold sweat covers me around my body like I have just gotten out of a cold bath. My arms find themselves over my curled knees as I lay my head upon them, but my body seems so weak as I do not have the strength to pick up my head. My body feels, in a term "jittery", and it seems that I cannot find any strength to comprehend of what I have dreamt to wake up upon my bed in this matter.

I slowly turn my head and lay my cheek against my knees, so that I may look outside my window seat. It is nightfall already and I hear the howling of the wind pushing against the branches of the trees, and I hear the lullaby of the leaves falling from their tree branches and dancing against the wind currents. The full moon is out, making my room to bathe in its pure light and letting me see that I am wearing my white, cotton night gown. I guess Mother and Anna changed me whilst I was asleep.

I start to remember what had happened in the previous hours at school, though just the thought of remembering all of my shameful actions made me feel embarrassed and unclean. I had taken off my garments in front of unmarried men, in a public place, and made Jack having to see me in yet another state of my attacks. I shut my eyes as I grind my head further into my bare knees. My tutor would scold me for my shameful actions of performing such indecent acts in front of unmarried men and in public. Oh the embarrassment of it all...

I have the urge of playing my drums again, but I fear that Father, Mother, and Anna would wake up and be disappointed that I have woken them up by my selfish urges. So, I may not play my drums. I look once again outside to my window and to the full moon, and I believe that my having a night walk would calm me to sleep once I return. I slowly start to get off my bed and place my shaking pale legs upon my wooden floor. I stumble as I reach for the doorknob and exiting out of my room into the long hallway. I descend from the flights of stairs on my bare feet, and I pass the front door to head towards the kitchen where the back door is located. As I step out onto the back balcony and closing the door, the night air strikes my skin and nostrils, leaving my pale skin with goosebumps and my lungs filled with cold yet refreshing air. The air is more refreshing if you live out in the forest, where no city-air can contaminate it.

I descend from the steps of stones onto the path that leads to the lake Anna and I visit. My bare feet feels the dirt and the fallen leaves on the path, my bare legs feeling the cold of on-coming winter air. My white night gown reaches my knees and it only has thin straps over my shoulders. The wind picks up, leaving my gown to flutter and my platinum blonde hair to dance along with it. My bare arms start to form goosebumps as well, however, I do not feel the cold. When I was living with my biological parents, they did not care whether I was half bared or not when they'd place me in the closet or the basement, including the cold nights of winters. Ever since then, the cold never bothered me.

I see at the end of the path the boulder Anna and I would sit upon to look over the horizon of the lake and the other side of the forest to call our backyard. Father said that our territory is a quarter of the forest, but we never would place any human investments to harm the environment of our home. I climb up the boulder and sit on it to look up at the night sky, leaving me to see the moon with her sparkling dress of stars.

"Hey Kiddo, you are going to die of hypothermia if you don't cover yourself up," someone said behind me. I was startled before looking behind me to see Father. He is wearing his robe and dress shoes, but he is also wearing gloves.

"Good evening, Father. Why have you come out tonight?"

"I should ask you the same, Elsa. Though, I know that you come here to take a breather, as Anna would say," Father says as he grunts to sit beside me on the boulder.

"Forgive me, Father. I had no intention of worrying you," I said to him, but not meeting his eyes.

"Ah, don't worry about it Kiddo. Just let me be aware of where you're going before you give me more grey hairs," Father said as he brings me closer to his side and rubbing my bare arms as to warm me up. "My God, Elsa. You are freezing!"

Father takes off his robe and pulls my arms through the holes. I feel warmer, and it has Father's masculine smell of his cologne. He takes my hands and rubs them before blowing hot air on them through his mouth.

"Here, the gloves will help," Father offered his gloves to me before putting them on me. I thank Father before snuggling up against his side to try to keep him warm against the cold, night air.

"Though, you know Father...the cold never bothered me anyway," I reminded Father. He just sighs as he draws me closer to his side and laying my head upon his shoulder.

"Elsa. I just want you to know that I love you. You and Anna are my daughters, you girls are precious to me and to your Mother. But Elsa, I hesitate to ask you of this. Do you not love the family you have here now? I know that your biological parents did not show you love, but your Mother and I want you to get better and be happy with us in the present. I don't want you to feel pressured to be a good girl so that we may continue to love you, Elsa we will always love you no matter what. I mean when we took you in our lives have changed, you and Anna have given us a happier life. I want you to know that I am not going to stop loving you because of your flaws, if anything I want you to be happy. I know that it will take time to overcome those events, but we will take baby steps."

I take in what Father had said, he told me that he loves me even with my flaws. Anna and I are precious to him and Mother, and we are a happy family. There is nothing more in this world that I want than a loving family to go home to.

"I love you, Father! I just want to have those memories to go away, so that I may be happy with you in the present. I do not wish to be a burden on this family, but I just fear of remembering them. I love Mother and Father and Anna! But I am so broken that I cannot seem to be happy," I cried out to Father.

Father calmly hugs me closer as I continue to cry into his shoulder. I just wanted to confirm if my going here at the lake is a mistake or not. I do not know anymore, I just want to be fixed and be normal and be loved by everyone. Though, my memories trap me into the past and separate me from my family here in the present.

"There, there now Kiddo. Let it all out. I'm here now, nothing's going to happen to you as long as we are here with you. Just don't be afraid to open up to me and your Mother. Heck, even you wanted to open up to Jack Frost. Just try to be happy, that is all I ask, alright?"

I nod my head against his shoulder. I will try to be happy, and I will try to open up to people. I want friends, and for some strange reason I want Jack by my side. I feel sick in my abdomen when I am near him and I feel nervous whenever I see him and his blue eyes. I want to feel fixed, and I will.

"Now, I want you to go to sleep. You don't have to go to school tomor-"

"I want to see Jack," I interrupted Father. I am not aware as to why I suddenly said those words. Maybe I have gotten delusional and think that I can fix Jack Frost too. I may just be projecting myself in his place, assuming that he may be suffering from his past as well. I want to help him, but I first need to help myself. That is a realization that I just noticed as Father gets off the boulder.

"Well, I'm not stopping you. Who may know, maybe ...you and Jack are sitting on a tree. K.I.S.S.I.N.G!"

"Father, stop this nonsense!" I laugh out, with heat rising up my neck and face. Father just continues to sing the little song with me blushing. Due to Father's actions, I do regret ever saying that I wanted to see Jack Frost.

*****
Father carried me in his arms on the way home after he stopped singing. When we got home and into my room, he settles me in bed and made sure that my heating system was on. He kisses me on my forehead as a goodnight, then Father closes the door halfway and I hear him walk down the hallway towards his chambers.

I believe that my love for Anna, Mother, and Father has grown since I have been transferred to school.  I know that many obstacles will face us, but I know that broken or not, we can overcome them. Jack is like me, and I wish to befriend him and be able to fix each other along the way of our friendship. I just hope that my family may forever be loving to one another, always together, always smiling, always a family...