"How did she get away?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You said you were close. How did she get away Dean?" Cas asked stubbornly. Sam looked at his brother and the angel. He didn't understand here that'ld come from.
"I'm sorry, what part of god's freakin sister didn't you understand? She over powered me and got away, end of story."
"Is that all?" Cas's question confused Sam. 'Where was he getting to with this?' He thought, and walked out of the library towards his room with shaky legs.
__________________________________________________
"Morning sleepin' beauty." Dean's grumbly voice startled Sam. He wasn't expecting "you to be up."
"What?" Dean looked at him, confused by the half sentence.
"Uhh.... I thaught you were sleeping...." Sam said walking to the coffee machine.
"Nuh..... l was doing research. Coffee's in the flask" Dean said before sipping from his glass of whisky and looking back at the newspaper.
"Really, what happened to you?" Sam said sitting down opposite Dean.
"I think l found.."
Sam cut him off "Dean, what was he talking about?"
"Who?"
"Cas, why was he asking..." "I don't know 'right? He must've lost his mind." Dean rushed out the words.
It wasn't a total lie. He didn't know what was happening.' Why did he let Amara go? Why didn't he do anything? He couldn't right? She was too strong,wasn't she? What bond was she talking about?' There were too many questions, and he didn't have answers.
"Dean, you know you can tell me. I mean if you... " Sam was giving his best puppy eyes. He needed to know. He couldn't handle the suspicion that Dean had some......something for Amara. 'Its not right' he thaught. He should trust Dean. But the uncertainities were too heavy.
No,no no... Dean thaught. He couldn't lie to those hazel orbs. They melt him right down to the bones. But this wasn't the right time.
So he squered his shoulders and tried his best to stay guarded. Sam could see his brother's attempts to hide behind his walls. And it scared him. It wasn't the right vibe.
"Dean"..."I told you Sammy, I don't know, ok? We're done talking about this."
"No we are not. Dean, l can't help you if you don't let me in."
"I don't need your help Sam, I need some space." Dean said heating up.
"Some space from me?" Sam exclaimed.
"Not everything is about YOU Sam. I want some goddamn personal time." Dean was wishing with everything in him for Sam to drop it. He didn't wanna fight with Sam. Not now, atleast.
"What happened to you Dean? You want timeout from me? What about 'me and you against the world'?"
That, right there was what Dean was dreading. He was losing his calm.
"Me and you? Sam, that was what I reminded you of when YOU were leaving. Remember that?" Dean said, his narrow eyes pointed at Sam.
"It's not about me Dean." Sam said leaning forward.
"Yeah? Cause that brings out the great team-works you've done, right? You chose leaving for Stanford and someone else's thanksgiving as your heaven. And you talk about me and you?" Dean slammed the glass on the table and stood up.
Sam was struck. He didn't want that to come up. He knew that night had bruised Dean bad. But he thaught they were over that.
As if he read his mind, Dean spoke up."You thaught I'd forget that? Sam, you put Ruby over me, Samuel over me, let Lucifer out, LET ME ROT IN PURGETORY FOR A CHICK DAMMIT."
They wre both fuming now. Where did that start from? Sam just wanted to ask Dean about Cas. It was supposed to be a caring conversation. Now, here they were, arguing about who made the most mistakes. They both wanted to stop. But they just couldn't.
It was a fire that was lidded. And now it'ld burn them down.
"Dean, stop. It's not like you haven't made mistakes."
"Mistakes Sammy?" Dean laughed bitterly. "They were choises. YOUR selfish choices."
That was it. Now it was Sam's turn to slam the cup he was holding.
"I'm selfish? You were the one who let an angel in me cause you were too scared to be alone." Sam screamed. If he wanted to hurt Dean, he knew just where to strike.
"What makes you think that?" Dean said despite himself.
"What?" Sam asked confused.
"That I would wanna be with you." Oh, nonono....' what am I saying.' Dean tried to stop. But it was like his mouth had its own mind.
"What are you talking about?" Sam's heart was pounding. He didn't know what to expect.
"You weren't my choice. I never had a choice." He looked at Sam with deadly still eyes. His head felt like it was drowning. Thaughts were clowded. Maybe it was all the alcohol he had downed. Maybe it was something else. But, he was getting disoriented.
A chill ran down Sam's spine. And he was choking. Struggling to breath.
And he took off. That was what he always did. Turn around and run away.
Dean was right. He was the one tagging out of the team.
Dean watched as Sam disappeared through the door. What the hell had he done? He could not process what just happend. So, he picked up the bottle and gulped.
