Fix me // Luke brooks

Chapter 2

My eyes slowly opened, grey sky filled my room as I adjusted to the light and sat up.

I sigh and pressed the lock screen on my phone, there was a message from my mother.

Mum: I know you probably will refuse, but please try go to support group, I'll pick you up at 3pm xx

I hadn't been in about 4 weeks, I decided to go, being locked inside this house was killing me....literally. I knew it was just a waste of my time and a set up for a panic attack, but I had nothing better to do?

I slowly made my way out of bed into my bathroom, the floor squeaked at every step I took, it probably wasn't used to much activity going on. I made to the bathroom and just stared at myself in the mirror. I honestly didn't recognise myself, this stranger standing in the reflection.

My skin was pale as ever, along with the rest of my body. I wasn't surprised, I knew this was a consequence of not leaving this prison.

I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was a mess, hadn't been brushed in weeks. It honestly didn't really phase me at all, I was a falling apart mess, I have no one to blame but myself.

I undressed and ran myself a shower, the water felt so good running down my back, I hadn't felt this feeling in a while. I conditioned my long black locks, continued by washing my body.

I didn't really bother with my appearance, I didn't know anyone - except casey, she was probably the only person I spoke to there, She suffers from extreme depression, I would only see her once a month if I was lucky, she never bothered attending.

I slipped on a pair of grey sweatpants and a black adidas hoodie. The weather looked shit outside, just like me.

I got my bag and made my way downstairs. From the sounds of things, no one was home. My parents probably left for work early this morning.

I didn't bother looking for anything major to eat, I grabbed an apple and I was on my way.

"Good morning" I looked to the right of my drive way, the little old lady who lived next door was watering our garden.

"Morning" I faintly smiled

She probably wasn't used to seeing people leave this house besides my parents.

I made my way down the street to the community centre. The cold breeze blew against my face, making me shiver. The sky was grey as ever, I knew it was about to start bucketing down so I sped up a little so I didn't get rained on. Which would've made me regret even more leaving the house

When I got to the door of the building, I had worked myself up thinking of every possibly thing that could go wrong. I could feel my heart beat increasing, my hands became sweaty, I had a massive lump in my throat that made me want to be sick. I hated this mental illness so much. "Literally getting worked up over going to support group?" I scoffed to myself under my breath, so pathetic i was.

I remembered my routines that my doctor would tell me to do when about to have an anxiety or panic attack.

"Look for 5 things you can see and feel,"
"Breathe in 1 2 3 breathe out 1 2 3"

I repeated that process a few times before I was stable to enter the building.

"Hey Anastasia" a faint voice whispered behind from  me.

I spun around and I saw casey.

"Hey cas" I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her. "how have you been" we began walking to the room.

"Really good I suppose, I took a big step and decided to go back to school, I start next Monday! I've been coming to support group, applying for jobs and just trying to get my life back on track"

I smiled.

"That's so good, I'm happy for you" I thought to myself that should be me but I know I wasn't capable of doing much.

We chit chattered for another 5 minutes before the session started. I scanned my eyes around the room and saw a few familiar faces and some old.

"Hi guys, okay so today we will be introducing ourselves to everyone for all the new people. You can mention why you are here or your story"

I instantly felt sick. I hated public speaking. Everyone's eyes set on me and only me was enough to bring on a panic attack.

Everyone around the circle began talking.

"Hi..I'm bella, I'm 20. I was in a car crash about 2 years ago which tore my entire back bone and paralysed me for life. It has caused my mental health to deteriorate rapidly. Going from doing every day tasks to nothing really screws with your head"

"Hi, I'm Tom, I am 16 years old. I suffer from severe depression, it runs in my family. I've been in and out of hospital since I was 12 from attempted suicides"

A few more people went around the circle before it was my turn.

I cleared my throat. "Hi, my name is Anastasia, I'm 17 years old. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 13. I recently left school, but I'm trying to get back on my feet and do well for myself" I sat down and felt a massive relief. I was proud of myself for not panicking and running out of the room.

A few more people got up and spoke their story, it was almost time to go before one last boy on the end I hadn't seen before.

"Hi I'm Luke, I'm 19 years old. I'm blind in one eye, and my other eye isn't going too well. The doctor said I would lose all sight forever in a few months. Despite this terrible news- I wish to remain a happy, normal, teenager life. I enjoyed photography and sports before my sight was taken away."

Everyone was silent for a few moments, then the counsellor spoke. "Well done to hear you bring yourself up Luke, very inspiring" he nodded, smiled and sat down in his seat.

I was starting to get a bit anxious from being in this room for too long. I looked at my watch, 2:57. It was over in a few minutes thank god. We mingled for another few minutes and I was off.

My mum was waiting outside at the first parking spot nearest to the door. She looked happy when she saw that I actually went. "How was it darling" she kissed me on the cheek. I shrugged she looked ahead in the distance "alright I guess, I got up and spoke"

"That's amazing Hun! Dad suggested we order pizza tonight, what do you think?"

"Yeah that would be nice" I smiled and sat back in my seat and off we went.