Fix me // Luke brooks

Chapter 3

Every time I feel myself getting happy, no longer that sad feeling inside of me, it all comes crashing down. It doesn't take much, maybe just an old memory or the fact everyone has left me and I have no one? I'm so damn alone and sad. I want to feel happy and alive again. I have many wishes to travel the world and see amazing places, there's so much holding me back. One day.

-17. 06.2016

I sighed and shut my diary placing it in my top drawer. My psychiatrist suggested I wrote down all my feelings and thoughts in a diary to help me, I guessed it helped in a way, I didn't feel like my thoughts were trapped inside my head, getting caught up making me crazy, I could get them out and write them on a piece of paper.

I had been going to support group for the last few weeks, casey and I had become really close, which I was happy about because I felt like I can relate to her with my problems. Tonight we were going out for dinner at lobster Cafe. We both loved sea food, the fish n chips were amazing.

My phone buzzed

Casey: Will be there in 5 xx

I locked my phone and looked at myself in the mirror. I had a black kookai top on with white jeans and sandals. I never really left out or went anywhere nice so I wore a tad of makeup and red lipstick.

"Here's some money for dinner" my dad placed a 50 dollar note on my bed.

"Thanks dad" I smiled and placed the bill in my clutch.

My feet dragged me downstairs to the front door, the car lights of casey's car filled the living room, that way I knew she was here.

"I'll be back before late" I yelled shutting the door not waiting for a response.

When I got into casey's car, I instantly smelt cigarette. I knew she liked smoking because it sometimes helped ease the anxiety.

"Hey babe" she kissed me on the check, I did the same back. "Sorry about the smoke" she laughed winding down the window.

"No no it's okay, I actually liked the smell" I smiled getting comfy in the passenger seat, fastening my belt.

"Would you like one" she raised her brows offering me one from the pack.

Do I take one?

"I might just try one" I grabbed the small tobacco stick out of the pack and placed it in between my teeth.

"Here" she me handed her colourful lighter.

I didn't think it would be as bad as
I thought. I shut my eyes and inhaled the smoke, then blew it out. My parents would probably kill me if they found out I smoked a cigarette, but then again at least I'm getting out of the house and trying new things.

The drive was about 15 minutes from my house, both casey and I agreed to be seated outside so we didn't feel so claustrophobic inside the restaurant. The light from the beautiful sunset was beaming a strong radiant warm light to where we were sitting, I took a picture and uploaded it to my snap story.

"Would you like any drinks to start off with" a young looking waitress asked us  while placing the food menu on our table.

"Just a water please" I smiled.

"I'll get one also" casey added.

"Okay two waters" the waitress wrote down on the order paper then walked off.

Casey hummed "you know this isn't that bad I mean, look at this view, lovely atmosphere and good people all around" I could get used to coming out and about like this more often.

"I could say the same, but I'm so unpredictable. I'll be happy and fine one minute, and the next I'll be an anxious wreck" I sighed looking down playing with a corner of the napkin.

"I know, it sucks but we can try get through this together" she smiled reassuring me.

I gave her a small smile back agreeing. Our drinks arrived and we ordered our food.

"Hey isn't that the blind guy from support group" casey said looking behind her. I glanced in the distance and I saw two guys entering the restaurant. "I don't know, it could be" the boys were seated 2 tables away from us so we could have a better view.

"Yeah I think it is, should we say hello?" Casey questioned.

"Casey he won't know who we are or what we look like! Remember he's blind" I whispered across the table not wanting the boys to hear us.

"True, you're right but let's say hey anyway!" She pulled me up and walked over to their table.

You wouldn't think casey has anxiety around people because she comes across as very forward and confident.

"You go to our support group right?" She smiled

I blushed knowing that he probably didn't know who we were. I suffer from second hand embarrassment quite often.

"Uhh yeah your voice sounds familiar" the boy replied squinting trying to work out who we are.

"You know my voice?"

"Yeah, well people with low eye sight have very good hearing" he smiled "this is my twin brother jai, and I'm Luke if you forgot" he pointed to the boy across from him.

"Hi jai nice to meet you" casey smiled, I gave him a small smile- semi hid behind casey.

"Is someone with you" he asked.

"Yep this is Anastasia" she gave me a little shove in front.

"Hi" I spoke softly.

"I think I remember your name, sounds  familiar" he smiled.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments before casey interrupted.

"Well our food is probably almost here, we better get back to our table, see you around".

"Yep maybe see you Thursday" Luke smiled and waved in our direction.

I drifted off behind casey back to our seats.

"Well that was awkward" I laughed getting back into my seat. "You could say that again" casey added

Soon our food arrived, we both took a picture of each other next to our food at the table for our Instagram.

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