Over Again

❝i can lend you broken parts that might fit❞

❝i can lend you broken parts that might fit❞

c h a p t e r     f o u r



       "Harry is happy with Louis," Harry interrupted before half tackling Louis and sitting on him. I let out a quiet breath of relief at his quick cover as the crowd chuckled and cooed.

       Louis laughed, then pushed Harry off him. "I'm happy with Eleanor," he said, half playful, half serious. Louis and Harry had been trying to minimize public displays of their close friendship because of all the hate Eleanor was getting about being a cover up.

       Harry mock gasped. "I thought we had something special!" By now the audience was laughing and seemed to have forgotten about what Ashleigh had been saying. Harry reached over and hooked an arm around Niall's shoulders. "Fine, Niall and I can just be happy and single together, then," he said, putting a slight emphasis on 'single'.

       The rest of the interview, thankfully, passed without problem. Ashleigh didn't try to reveal Harry and I's 'relationship', and if anyone had heard what she said, they didn't mention it.

       "What the hell was that?" Louis demanded, as soon as we were in the safety of the dressing room they had given us. Away from the fans, and any prying eyes or ears. He turned to glare at Ashleigh who blinked at him innocently.

       "I'm sorry, it slipped," she replied. "Thanks for the save, Harry," she said, smiling at him. Harry only frowned in return, looking annoyed. He and Louis weren't the only ones who looked upset, Liam and Zayn did as well, which I didn't really expect.

       Harry rolled his eyes. "You sure it slipped?"

       "Yeah," Ashleigh said, nodding slowly.

       Louis scoffed. "You knew it couldn't be revealed."

       "Management would've killed us," Liam added.

       "They told us not to tell," Zayn said, playing along. Obviously, none of what we were saying was actually true. We had never asked management about me and Harry because me and Harry didn't exist. We -well, more of the boys- were trying to warn Ashleigh against saying anything without Niall catching on. He did anyway. Sort of.

       "Since when do you care so much about what management says? And why are you guys so mad?" Niall demanded. He pushed Ashleigh slightly behind him, taking a protective stance in front of her. "It was just a mistake!"

       A mistake, right. A mistake coincidentally would've been irreversible and to her benefit. Louis snorted and caught my eye, telling me he was thinking something along the same lines. He didn't say it out loud, though.

       "It's okay. I just don't like attention," I said. It was a lame excuse, but true. It had been nerve-wracking, sitting there with everyone watching, and knowing this was being filmed. I don't know how they can do this every day.

       Niall froze, causing Liam to almost crash into him. "You okay?"

       "I remember someone saying that," Niall said, forehead scrunching a little, probably in confusion, judging by the expression on his face.

       "You've probably heard her say it before," Ashleigh suggest, hooking an arm around his waist.

       He nodded, but still looked confused and deep in thought. Maybe -hopefully- remembering. Would repeating stuff I had said before help? I hadn't tried it, but if I might help... Except, the problem was, I don't think I would be able to repeat a lot of what I had said to him word by word. I know everyone says you should remember every moment you spent with someone you love, but time with Niall passed fast. I didn't watch what I said. We talked about everything, and nothing, and he was one of the few people I could be myself around.

       It had only been two weeks ago. Maybe that's why it was familiar to him.

       We were trying to get Niall and the guys' management to let us go public. It was a little nerve-wracking since they were questioning us extensively.

       "Are you a minor?" a woman asked.

       Ouch. Did I really look younger than eighteen? I shook my head, clearing my mind of the thoughts at the same time. "I turn nineteen in August."

       "How long have you been together?" A man asked.

       "Seven months."

       "Why are you asking us now?"

       "Because it's annoying having to hide every time we go out," Niall replied. It was true. There wasn't much we couldn't really go out together since there were the paparazzi and the fans. He could easily get recognized on the street, or someone could take a photo of us, or something like that.

       "Do you have any experience with publicity?" A woman holding a clipboard and pen asked.

       I nodded. "A little, my dad owns a hotel."

       "Do the other members of the band know?" she asked, turning to Niall.

       He nodded. "They like her." Other than Zayn, but they didn't need to know that.

       It was strange. It was almost like I was a thing that we were trying to sell instead of a person. I guess it kind of was like that though. We were only doing it to try and convince management to let us go public. We could do it without their permission, of course, but not only would they be mad, we'd also be a little uncertain on how to do it. We both had a little -or a lot in Niall's case- experience with publicity and stuff, but not as much as they did. So t was probably best to ask them and get their approval and advice.

       For a moment, they were silent, writing things down, or flipping through pages of information. Finally, after a series of note sliding and exchanged looks, they turned to look at us.

       "We think you'd be good at dealing with everything," one of the woman said. Niall took my hand under the table, breaking my crossed fingers. But the woman continued before either of us could say anything. "We'd say it's fine if it were any time but now."

       "What's wrong with now?" Niall demanded.

       "We need at least some of you to be single. It would only be Harry if you two went public," one of the men explained. What? I know Louis's dating Eleanor, and Zayn's with Perrie, but there's still Liam, right?

       "What about Liam?" Niall asked.

       The woman shook her head, shooting us an apologetic look. "Liam just asked us if he and Sophia could go public."

       "How much would us going public affect..." I trailed off. The band? Their reputation? Their sales? Their fans? Everything? Luckily they understood what I meant.

       One of the men with a clipboard flipped a through a couple pages and spoke for the first time since the meeting started. "It depends on how much the fans like you. But a lot of them like them single. Gives them hope."

       "If it's an absolute must, you can, but we'd prefer if you waited a little bit so you and Liam aren't suddenly dating at the same time," the woman said.

       I glanced at Niall, seeing that he was about to protest that it was a must. "Just give us a moment?" I asked, squeezing his hand under the table before he could speak. I stood up after they nodded, forcing him to stand up as well.

       "I'm sorry, they're usually not so difficult," Niall said as soon as we stepped out of the room. He gave me a small, wry smile, shaking his head.

       "I don't want this to be bad for you and the guys," I told him quietly. He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand to stop him. "We don't have to."

       "Sarah," he started, then hesitated. 'You sure?"

       I nodded. "I just don't like attention."

       Niall sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I wish we didn't have to hide that we're together," he said. "But I don't want you to get hate or anything either."

       "I know." Fame came with Niall, but I definitely wasn't ready to let him go just because I didn't like attention. I would learn to deal with it.

       "Would it cheesy if I said I wanted to show you off and tell everyone you're mine?"

       "Are you quoting your own songs?" I asked, recognizing the lines from Kiss You and They Don't Know About Us.

       "Maybe. I just don't want another guy stealing you away from me."

       "I don't think we need to worry about me," I told him. He blinked and opened his mouth to speak, but I continued before he could. "You, sir, have a couple hundred thousand fan girls chasing after you."

       "Nobody compares to you," he said seriously, with a slight grin.

       I laughed. "Another song?"

       His grin widened. "If it's true-"

       "Nuh-uh, no more."

       We had gone in after that. I was almost regretting the fact that I had said we should wait. I didn't want to hurt the band, of course, but if we had gone public, Ashleigh wouldn't have been able to get away with her lie.

       Maybe, when he re-learned the songs, he would remember things like this. Times when we would talk about his songs, when he would use them and jokingly try to 'serenade' me, as he put it. Maybe. It hurt, not knowing when, or even if, he would ever remember.

       But maybe was the best thing I could hope for.


♡over again♡


       Things got from bad to worse.

       We were all kind of on edge once we got back from the interview. The mood was tense, like something that was just about to explode. The only two people who could've possibly stopped it were gone. Liam was picking up dinner and no one really knew where Harry was.

       It was awful, seeing Niall and Ashleigh together. It hurt even more to watch them kiss. I just kept thinking about how that would've been me, had I not messed up. If the accident had never happened, Niall wouldn't have forgotten everything, I wouldn't have to watch him and Ashleigh together and the guys wouldn't be lying to him. The 'should haves', 'could haves' and 'what if' played on a never-ending loop in my mind.

       "She leaves tonight," Louis muttered to me as Ashleigh leaned in to kiss Niall for what seemed like the gazillionth time. We -Niall, Louis, Zayn, Ashleigh and I- were seated in the living room, watching TV. Well actually, Zayn was the only one who was even partially watching TV. Niall and Ashleigh were wrapped up in their own little bubble, talking quietly. I was watching them, and Louis alternated between looking at them and checking my expression. "You could just tell him the truth. Problem solved," Louis said when I didn't reply.

       I shook my head. "Look at the way he looks at her." Not exactly like she was all he would ever need, but pretty close.

       Louis stared at them for a moment, then shook his head and turned back to look at me. "Not the same was he looks at you."

       "Looked," I corrected.

       He didn't have a reply to that.

       We fell into a slight silence, the only noise being the TV and Niall and Ashleigh's soft murmurs. Then Louis stiffened and let out a quiet curse. If anyone other than me heard him, they didn't show or acknowledge it.

       "What's wrong?" I asked.

       "Niall doesn't remember what happened with Harry and Ashleigh," he replied.

       "What?"

       "It happened a month before he met you."

       I blinked. So Niall didn't remember Ashleigh hurting his band mate. "Does that make a big difference?" The only Niall I knew was obviously after it had happened. I wasn't sure if it had changed him, since I didn't have anything to compare the Niall I knew to.

       Louis nodded. "What happened with Harry was the only time Niall really almost hated Ashleigh." What? I knew Ashleigh and Niall were close, they had grown up together. As far as I knew, Niall had never really gotten mad at Ashleigh, at least no seriously. I wasn't sure what to think of what Louis had told me. On one hand, there had been a time where Niall had almost hated Ashleigh. He didn't hate people, or get really mad often. On the other hand... He didn't remember it. It also put a disturbing question in my mind. Had Niall seen me as a rebound? Since he had been so angry with Ashleigh, the girl he liked.

       A movement to the side of me caught my eye, pulling me from my thoughts. Niall stood up, stretching his arms. "I'm gonna change so we don't get mobbed. Maybe dye hair red." He froze, his brow furrowing. His words caused me to freeze as well.

       We used to always joke about dying his hair some wacky colour so we could go out in public without anyone recognizing him. Was he remembering? My hopes fell when he shook his head and pressed a quick kiss to Ashleigh's cheek before walking up the stairs.

       "What?" Ashleigh asked when she noticed me watching her.

"Do you have to flaunt it?" Maybe it was just because I noticed every single time they kissed, but it felt like she was rubbing the fact that Niall liked her now in my face.

       She shrugged. "I'm not. I love him, he loves me."

       "Only because of your lies!" Louis exclaimed jumping into the conversation.

       "She's lying to him just as much as I am," she shot back. "And you're all going along with it." She had a point there. I was lying to him, and forcing all the guys to too.

       Zayn, who had been silent this whole time, spoke up. "But unlike you, she's doing it for him. Not for herself," he said coldly, shocking all of us. Zayn usually didn't involve himself in fights. He was calm, like Liam, and depending in the fight, either ignored it, or if it was serious enough, helped Liam get them to stop fighting.

       I remember Niall saying he didn't get mad very often, but didn't trust easily either. The rest of the guys had also said that Zayn was a great friend, but it took a while for him to get used to you, and open up.

       "I'm doing this for him, too!" Ashleigh protested, glaring at me as I had somehow controlled Zayn and made him stand up for me. "Do you really expect him to love someone he doesn't even know?"

       "It'll just take him longer to remember everything," I told her quietly. I didn't have the strength to yell at her. The last couple days had been stressful and emotionally draining.

       She raised an eyebrow. "And whose fault is it that he doesn't remember in the first place?"

       "It's not like you're helping with all your lies!" Louis yelled. Just then, Niall walked into the room, and by his expression, he had came downstairs just in time to hear what Louis said. And he didn't look happy about it.

       "What's that supposed to mean?"