The Luck of the Irish [ON HOLD]

Chapter 13

I decided to take today off. I will be using it for me, and my time, because I really do have things that need to be taken care of. I have to renew my citizenship here, and I also want to start looking for some places, far from here, to live...by myself. What was I thinking? Just because you talk to someone for what seems forever, doesn't mean you know them. I'm still willing to get through this with Collin, but only if he's willing to as well. This certainly can not be a one way thing.

Did I fall in love too fast? Was it really love? Was it an infatuation? You know, a whole lot more than a crush, but less than love? Infatuations die out soon so? Uhh, my brain hurts. Collin loves me, I know he does. But, why does he hurt me emotionally and physically? Maybe I was in love with the idea of him, but not with him. I don't know. I need to have a serious talk with him because even though he's put me through all this pain, I'm willing to work through it. I want to make us work.

Many people form our neighborhood are in love with us together, and us as a couple. They ask me if I plan on having his baby one day. I answer with only the future can tell. I really don't share the experiences I have had with him. I haven't because I, for some stupid reason, don't want people to know how bad of a husband he has been. I also have what the two girls told me yesterday. What needs to come to light? I know I'm not doing anything that will dishonor my husband.

What do they know that I don't? You know what, I'm not even going to dwell on this silliness any longer. I have faith... I hope, that my husband isn't doing anything out there either.

I decided to walk through the park today. It is absolutely lovely outside, and Collin went away for work, and won't be back for a week. I really don't know why a carpenter is needed somewhere else. I'm pretty sure there are others, but oh well.

This week away from him will help me determine if I really want to give him a chance. I thought that if I miss him then that means I love him for real, and want to make things work. But if during that time period, I'm the happiest I've ever been, then I know I won't want to delay things any longer, take another risk, and make things work.

I sat on a bench by myself, and took out some bread to give to the pigeons. They came right away, and gladly accepted the offering. I have to admit, I was a little envious. They were so carefree, flying between trees, with not a care in the world. I would love to be a bird one day, just for the sake of feeling free. A nice breeze was kicking in, and it was blowing a few strands of my hair away. The breeze tickled my cheeck's skin, and left tingles with every trace and touch of the wind. It was very peaceful.

As I sat there, I began thinking of my mother and father. How would I love to see my mother's smile again, or hear my father's laughter once more. I still can not believe I lost all my family. I have no one, except for Collin's uncle, and Vanessa. Friends? I don't have much because you never know who you can trust or not now a days. Besides, either they are after Collin, or after me. I really miss my parents. I have learned so much from them. Because of them, I am the woman I am today. They would be proud of me, but I don't know if they would approve of Collin, and my relationship with him. I sighed through my nose. My life has drastically changed in the past year. I'm two months away from my one year anniversary with Collin, and life hasn't been a walk in the park since.

I looked at an old couple waling by past me. I wanted to one day, be like that with Collin, I still do, but I don't know if I want it as badly. Only if, again, he's willing to change. He's not the man I fell in love with. I wonder what he is doing right now. Is he thinking about me? Is he regretting what he's done?

Does he still love me? How much does he love me?

It's getting dark out, I think I should be heading home.

*

I was walking home when I was stopped by a fruit vendor, I thought I'd bring something home to make a smoothie for Vanessa and her husband.

"Why hello there young lady. What can I do for you?" An old man, who looked Asian, asked me. He had white hair that flowed into a pony tail, and he had deep wrinkles, the type that said "I'm wise."

"I'm just looking around," I replied with a smile. He had good quality fruits. Maybe, I'll just bring home something that I can make a smoothie with.

In the end, I settled with Strawberries, Bananas, and one Pineapple. The sun has already set, so I really should be speeding up, Vanessa should be worried.

I was walking down a street, from the looks of it, I seemed to be the only one on the street.

There were a few street lamps up ahead, liting the way. I was walking ahead when I was stopped by someone yanking on my bag of fruits.

My fruits fell to the floor, and when I turned around to pick them up, I was stopped my a sharp, silver knife, lined with black leather, pointed at my neck.

"What's a little girl doing walking alone at night?"