The Good, The Bad, And The Unbelievably Weird.

Missed bus.

I wake up to smell the fresh and wonderful odor of piss. With my fortunate life I have to share my bed with my 6 year old brother with peeing-bed-itus (I gave him this fake disease right after the first time I had to share a bed with him and woke up drenched in human feces)

"Well there goes last nights shower," I thought to myself and may have even said it out loud because my piss-pants brother made a groaning noise as if he was a bear that was poked with a stick during hibernation. I slipped out of the drenched covers and made my way to my parents room. Their room is downstairs and past the living room and also the kitchen that leads out to the back yard. Three gentle knocks is all it took for my mother to come rushing at the door.

The door swung open and I studied my mother deeply, it seemed as if some of that piss slipped into her coffee this morning. Her hair was in fourteen billion directions and she only had a nightgown on. Her face hinted at one of those psychopaths on the show "Cops", the ones that blankly run away from the police at two in the morning and respond with "I didn't know that you guys were chasing me", yes the ones that are probably on ten different drugs at once.

I could already tell her next words just off of her expression when she gained a whiff of the six year old's masterpiece that has been sprayed onto the lower half of my body. Ranting and ranting for what seemed to be ten more minutes finally ceased to an end and to come to my surprise (totally not) I was the one that had to clean everything up.

I marched up the wooden stairs that now traced footprints made of urine into mine and my brother's room. In came the smell and out came my brother. I grabbed him hard and set him outside the door. He looked at me like I just murdered his family in front of him, not knowing what was going on being woken up by a yank but I'm sure he figured it out when he started to inhale through is snotty nose. "Did I...?" Said the child. "Yup, way to go piss-pants," I replied. I tugged all of the white (well, what was at least white when we bought it, now white with a shade of yellow) bed sheets and pillow cases off of the queen-sized bed and tossed them into the laundry room which was only two rooms down.

When I was walking back to my room to get fresh clothes after a nice complimenting shower, I heard my dad talking about how him and my mother seriously need to get James, the 6 year old, his own bed. I think that I might have heard angels singing to me from the thought of that idea. Keep pissing so I can get a new bed, piss-pants.

After the long shower, I ate breakfast and was about to head to my room when at the corner of my eye I noticed something strange.

7:45

I took another glance and the stove's clock must've thought I was retarded. "Yes idiot, it is actually 7:45 and the bus actually leaves in less than 5 minutes you yes, you are actually retarded sometimes," the stove called out to me. I sprinted up the stairs and grabbed my backpack and raced down the stairs through the front door. If a track coach was here at the time they would force me to be on the varsity team and I would be their top runner that would letter all four years, but there was no track coach and the only race I have to worry about is missing my only form for transportation to hell.

I ran to the entrance of the driveway and as soon as I did the bus hissed at a stop. First step up and then a lightbulb buzzed in my head and then shattered my morning with it. This lightbulb was already covered in this mornings' piss though.

I forgot my lunch. I asked kindly if I could run back and get it real fast and the driver gave me the permission I needed with a simple nod. He was a substitute driver, too. One that had the words "I forget things easily because I'm literally a walking dinosaur" written all over the wrinkles. When I hopped off the bus his leathery hands grasped the handle and closed the door and blasted off to the next stop.

How could this day get possibly any worse?