I don't know who I am anymore. I should have never done this. I blew off Cody. I pushed away Lucas. I haven't talked to Sarah in 3 days. I have found more photos in my locker. more notes in my books. my numbers and in every stall in the bathroom. I'm gone shopping for more clothes. I don't really want to change anymore. but I don't like Who I am.
confusing isn't it? I don't like Who I am but I don't want to change? God I think I'm going crazy.
Its been two weeks since that day. I've been avoiding Cody and Lucas. Sara's car is out of the shop. So she doesn't need me anymore. She hasn't even looked at me in the halls. I know what she's been doing. I'm not stupid. But I never cared I never like any of those guys. she could have them. but she always knew Cody was off limits. he always will be.
I would like to say that what Lucas said did not get to me... but it did.
maybe this is all nightmare. maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and be the same girl I used to be. does it really have to be reality?
"you make me feel like I'm living a Teenage Dream. the way you turn me on..." my phone was ringing. that is Sarah's ringtone... I quickly jumped off my bed, and grab my phone.
" hello?" I asked awkwardly.
" you are such a bitch!! I never thought you would do something this low. I told you about my feelings for him! he was special. and yet you sleep with him?!! you are such a whore!! after everything I've done for you, I didn't deserve this from you.!" she yelled into the phone fuirously.
what in the hell was she talking about???! I'm a virgin! I'm pure! I would never do that kind of thing with someone unless I knew they loved me just ad much as I love them. and the only possible guy she could be talking about it Lucas.
she has had this enormous crush on him since we were both little. we used to always talk about our future marriages with them. me and cody. her and Lucas. we planned on having a joint wedding with matching brides maids. she wanted a ballroom sorta cinderella themed dress with diamonds embellished into the bodice. I wanted a long elegant dress with a mile long train behind it haha. it was going to be the most purest white with a black flower design on the torso. to show off my sexy ness (like I would ever be truly sexy-_-) the dress would b cut along the side until it reached just below my hip and it was to be lace in the back...
those were the days...
the days where I actually had a chance and hope for a life like that.
"look Sarah... I don't know what you're talking about but even if I did you know me better than anyone.. I would never hurt you " I tried to reason with her and calm her down.
" YOU don't KNOW? were u drugged when you took the video of you fucking him??? because that's the only way you could possibly not know that you fucked Blake Jones.!!!" she screamed.
oh no. not Blake. not these stupid rumors. video? what the hell?
Blake is Sarahs boyfriend of three weeks.
... The it dawned on me, I don't give a shit about her anymore. She had constantly tried to run my life. I thought she was my best friend. Then again, all friendships en in tragedy when one doesn't give equal love and care.
"Look, I didn't take a video. You know what is happening to me. Someone is setting me up. Trying to ruin my life. Of you want to believe something that you should know isn't true, but just know that by doubting me and my loyalty to you as a best friend, I'm no longer gonna be that for you. So have a nice life Sarah."
And with that, I hung up the phone. Now, it's time to do some soul searching.
I'm thinking of asking my parents to go on a road trip . Just me. We own a lake house about an hour from here. I've had some beautiful memories there. Mainly of me and Lucas. Not very many of Sarah an I because she doesn't lake lake water, something about how she thinks it's disgusting to swim in fish piss and garbage. Whatever.
I need to get away from all of this, to think about how I'm gonna change myself and act towards the people around me. I can't keep going through life acting like some slut that tries to get attention in every way possible, because that's just not me. I'm nice, clean, and very powerful in abstinence.
That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do some soul searching.
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KAY. Whaleeee.. I know y'all are mad at me. This story is complete shit. I'm debating on to just rewrite the whole thing, or keep going but continuing on a better note. I started writing this book like two years ago. Not very good grammar or spelling at all. It's poorly organized and very amateur like. Which I am. But y'all don't need to know that. So... Here's what I'm gonna to do. Comment your thoughts and I'll use your feedback to help me decide. I can also just delete this whole book and start a new one with the same concept but different event. Your pick.
1.) continue with better writing
2.) start over and just add to each chapter and correct grammar and spelling
3.) start a new book with same theme but different events.
