Love Is Stupid |✓

|11|

"What the actual hell?!" Gary screeched, dramatically dropping his Gucci bag onto my room's floor. I ignored him, noting that he was now clad in ripped jeans and a sleeveless white shirt. I rolled my eyes and continued to tap onto my phone's screen. He could screech all he want, for all I care.

He crossed the distance from the door to my bed. Standing in front of me, he placed his hands firmly on his hips, with his brow raised and lips curled into a stern frown. "What are you doing, Phoebe?"

Glancing up from my phone, I raised my brow at him, disinterest written all over my face. "I'm surfing the net, Gary. Y'know, what most teens do these days."

"It's six! Jason's waiting, you dum dum."

It didn't came as a surprise for me when I rolled my eyes at his statement. I knew for a fact that you were waiting out there - somewhere. Where exactly? I didn't have the slightest idea of. Too bad, I didn't care. I had no plans of coming, after all. After Gary left, I pondered the pros and cons of going on this stupid date with you.

I tossed and turned in my bed, I even resorted to pulling my hair roughly from its roots every time I considered the idea of going out with you. That thought was so stupid in any way and form. Especially, when the idea of a cute mint-green dress with matching flats crossed my mind. I grunted and screeched, cursing myself with all the profanities my language held when I thought of that dress. How could I even think about an outfit, when I knew to myself that I wouldn't go out on a date with you? No, just no. Not in a million years.

"Gary, I never agreed to this date. So, please leave me be, yeah?"

"C'mon! Live a little. Be in love!"

"Yeah, I'm single. I eat alone every Valentine's while my parents are out. Yeah, I watch from the sidelines as couples eat each other's faces, producing sounds of... of... god, I don't even wanna say it. Anyway, yep, I sometimes feel sad too. But, who gives a fuck? Love is stupid anyway."

"God, Phoebe! How can you be so inconsiderate? The guy's waiting for you at some park - alone. And you're here, in your Powerpuff PJ's - typing on your phone without a care in the world."

My eyes snapped up at him, my jaw ticked and clenched. My hands curled into tight fists. For the past hours, I've been trying to calm myself down. Thinking that Gary was just being his usual vengeful and immature self. That he didn't have an underlying motive for agreeing with the so-called date. I told myself repeatedly, that never should I ever act as immature as he was, and just ignore his stupidness. But the moment he chose to let the word inconsiderate leave his mouth, the thin string that was holding the sticks of my patience together, snapped. It was too thin and weak to be streched too far, but he forced it, anyway. Letting the sticks fall and roll onto the floor and lie limply on the ground - visible for everyone to see, too vulnerable for everyone to stomp on and break.

"Look who's fucking talking? I'm inconsiderate? Who in this room set me up on a date, that I obviously have no intentions of going to, with a guy - whom you know I would never, ever go out with, huh? Who, who? Ohhhh, right. You."

He let out a dry, mocking laugh.

"You're making a big deal out of this! You'd definitely go out with him in the first place, if what happened last year, didn't happen at all. Everybody else has moved on, Phoebe! Miles probably moved on already. For fuck's sake, he has a girlfriend with him in Boston! Jason? Jason obviously moved on since he's asking you out. Everybody else in school stopped talking about it! So what's wrong?"

I bolted up from my bed, taking long and fast strides toward Gary, only stopping when we're only a few inches away from eachother. Even if he was a lot taller than I was, I raised my chin higher and stared straight right into his gray eyes. I was panting hard from the intensity of the beats of my heart. Lub dub lub dub lub dub. It was pounding so hard. My face was so hot and my eyes were burning from the tears that were trying to escape the brim of my eyelids.

"You have no right. No right at all to tell me that. They might all have moved on, but I'm still hurting. I'm still stuck in that moment that I-I. . . I can't breathe. So don't fucking say that I'm making a big deal out of it, because you don't know the whole story! You don't know anything about it, so fuck off. I. don't. need. your. help. Get that? I'm not one of your charity cases, just so you could appease your rotting self-esteem."

Gary shook his head. Disappointment and hurt swirling deep in his gray eyes. I took a sharp intake of breath and braced myself for his response. For a fleeting moment, when I saw how his lips parted and his eyes became void and blank of emotion, I wanted to take my words back. I wanted to swallow them back, despite the fact that they would be awful-tasting. But, my pride got the better of me - like it always did. So, I took a step back and squared my shoulders.

"You may be right. I always work my butt off and snoop into other people's business, just to boost my self-esteem. To make sure that they'd appreciate me for what I've done, despite the fact that I see myself as like this-" he motioned his hand up and down his frame, "-a fag. A... a waste. Flawed. Whatever other people call me. But, never in my wildest dreams I would've thought of pushing you to moving on just to boost my self up. Because, Phoebe, believe it or not I want you to be happy. Because I know for a fact, that you were part of the few ones who see past my branded clothes and bags. You see me as I am, yet love me the same. Well, even if you don't show it well. So, whatever your decision is, I'll leave you to it. Just, be humane enough to ring him up to inform him."

I was taken aback. I was lost for words upon hearing Gary say those words to me. It was like discovering him all over again, but this time, he was stripped off the nutshell. And it wounded me. It pained me to realize that I was being unfair to him - I was protecting myself too much that I forgot about him. I forgot about one person, who'll always be there. That one person who matters to me.

I hesistantly reached out my arm to him, but he shook his head, grabbed his Gucci bag and headed out of my door without looking back. Leaving me with one painful thought in mind.

What have I become?

-

Okay, guys. I'd like to apologize for the term Gary used to describe himself. It wasn't used to offend or by any means, intentionally hurt people. Gary labeled himself as that because that's how he sees himself sometimes. In a writer's perspective, it is to show how poor his self esteem is. It's the same way with girls in most teen-fics, when they say that they're ugly, fat, short, too tall, too skinny, plain, dull or whatsoever. Until, someone waltzed into their life and showed them their true beauty.

It is meant to be an eye-opener, to show that despite Gary's bubbly and hopeless romantic personality, he hurts. He looks down on himself, but tries to boost his confidence by wearing expensive clothes (though, that's also his passion), and helping other people. The same way our other friends might feel, or even ourselves. Especially, those who are being bullied because of their sexual preference.

Truth to be told, I don't wanna explain a vital part of this story, thinking that the readers should see the underlying message of this chapter. Yet, I decided to make a note, to ensure everyone that I/Gary have no intentions of hurting anyone. If by any chance some of you were offended, I am deeply sorry. But at the same time, I wouldn't edit that part out, for its purpose - the whole purpose of this chapter wouldn't be served.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! ♡♡