"Big sis, do you believe in true love?" a kid once asked me that question. If I presume, she was 5 years old that time. Wearing her pink kindergarten uniform, white socks, black shoes, pink school hat, pink hello kitty backpack, and wearing her school I.D. "Angel". Angel, such a sweet and heart warming name that matched her brown hazel eyes, blond hair and her sweet, warm, delicate little smile.
I met Angel in a park located near Boston Hospital, I saw her holding her melted ice cream, she was crying, so I went near her and told her that everything will be alright, and told her I can buy a new set of ice cream. She looked at me in the eyes, gathering details, maybe looking for ideas if I were a bad or a good person. She held my hands and said "Thank you miss, for the offer, but it's okay", she smiled at me and ran away. The next day, I was on my way home from college, and there she was again, sitting on the bench, looking at the other children play. Not that I love to bother this kid, but there is something that keeps me on wanting to talk to her, comfort her, love her like my little sister whom I and my family lost years ago because of a school bus accident. I just can't quite remember her face, I was seven, and she was 5-6 years old that time. I didn't went to school, caught a fever, so mom and dad got me staying at the house for the whole day. "Hi!" I said, and waved. "Hello miss, we meet again!" seems like this kid was trained pretty nicely by her parents. I laugh and said "You don't need to call me miss, big sister will do". I sat down beside her. She chuckled, "I'm Angel! and you are?" by this time, she stood up and faced me, our eyes met, almost on the same level, but of course I'm still taller than her. "Nice to meet you Angel, I'm Suzane", she once again chuckled, "I love your name big sis, your name's just as beautiful as you!" and she smiled brightly at me. "Why thank you little one, where's your mom? Why are you alone?" I asked. "She is busy, also my dad, my sister on the other hand is also busy in her college, but during her dismissal, she goes on this direction so all I do is follow her back to our house" she explained happily, "That's sweet, well, I have to go for today, lot of things to do at home--" I took something out of my bag, my favorite, strawberry flavored candy. I gave her five pieces "here, you can have this. That's my favorite, well I'll see you here again tomorrow?" I smiled and patted her head. I wasn't expecting what she did next, she hugged me and said "Thank you big sis, and I'd love to see you here tomorrow!".
Everyday was just the same, whenever I go to the park, she's there, sitting. Sometimes she's laying down on the bench, but I don't know, it seems like she can sense me from afar. This little girl is waiting for me, no one wants to play with her, but me, no one wants to talk with her, just me. It seems like no one can see her, but only I can. Crazy thoughts came to me, but I let it slide. "Big sis!" she greeted me as she was running to me, "Hey! how're you?!" I asked her. "I am good! Healthy as ever! Strong and will always be!" she said in between her laughs. "That's good to hear" I paused, and continued, "hey, I got something for you! come here!". As I said this, I can see the excitement in her eyes, she was giggling, and jumping. I took out the book my little sister own, entitled "Little Promise". When Angel saw the story book I was holding, she stopped jumping, now she was just staring at it. I noticed a tear on her cheeks, which made me panic "Wa-wait, you don't like it? I'm sorry, I don't know what you like, I just thought you love story books. My little sister owns this, and, and maybe I can give this to you since she's not here anymore". "nhn, I am just happy, for you big sis to give me your little sister's valuable thing. Is she fine in giving this to me?" she asked, innocent face, pink cheeks, teary eyes. "Of course, I know she's glad to share it with you Angel". I read the whole story to Angel. She made a tear fall. Angel smiled, hugged me and said "Big sis, thank you or everything, for always coming here every single day. I will never forget you, for giving me things I never expect, for treating me as your little sister, for playing with me, for giving me some of your time even though I know you're busy hehe. I thank you for keeping your promise, I always knew you'd never forget that promise." Promise? wait, what? "Angel? I'm kind of lost, what are you talking about? what promise? Did I promise you something? Well, of course I maybe I did made a promise about meeting you here everyday but what do you mean by I'd never forget about that promise?" I asked, as if I was talking to someone on the same age as I am. She never answered me, she just looked at me, giving me that warm little smile, a minute passed by, she talked, "Big sis, it's time, I have to go, Mom, Dad and my big sister will be there in a minute" she told me, she turned around and was about to leave but, she stopped, looked at me once again and kissed my forehead. "I love you big sis, take care" and she ran away, holding the story book I gave her. Me? still here on the park, on my knees, not noticing I was crying, as if I got dumped by someone. I don't know why, but I just got the urge to cry. "Suzane? Is that you?" basing on the voice, 99% sure that's my mom and 1% not sure. I turned around and saw my mom together with me dad, holding a bouquet of flowers. "Mom! why are you here? Why are you with Dad?" I asked weirdly, "Don't tell me you forgot that it's your little sister's death anniversary today?" mom said. Oh god, I totally forgot, I stood up and went to the car, the cemetery is not that far, just 10 minutes drive from the park.
It's been 12 years since my little sister died, as I've said, I don't remember her face. We have photo albums but I don't dare look at it nor touch it. I blame myself for her death, if only I was there with her, if only I went to school that day even if I have the fever, she wouldn't be lonely, she died alone, lonely, with no mother, father, or sister beside her. Fighting all by herself to survive, longing for a mother's warm hands to hold her while saying "Everything will be alright, you'll be alright, keep on fighting, I'm here, we are here, we love you, don't leave us". But no! we weren't there! Not a single one of us was there! My mom noticed me, crying at the back of the car "Zane, don't blame yourself, it's not your fault, not our faults either, everything happens for a reason. To say that she's in Heaven with God right now, watching us as we visit her and tell her how much we miss her and love her." No matter how many times my mom tell's me that, that sentence never get's old. 10 minutes passed, and we arrived at the cemetery. Mom and Dad went ahead, because will be picking some flowers my sister love, a pink Dahlia. We used to pick a bunch of these when we were kids. As I arrived as to where my sister's body was buried my mom said "Zane? You were already here earlier?", "What? no, why would I be here? You were the one who told me I forgot that it's Mae's death anniversary" I replied, I looked at dad, even he is clueless. "What made you say that mom?" I asked, "just come". So I did, and I saw something which really made me cry, crying on my knees again. For just a moment, everything sank. Every little thing that has happened this past few days sank into my mind, that little girl, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, no wonder she is so very familiar to me, my little sister. Why didn't I thought of it? "Angel", for Angel Mae Hale. "Mom, y-y-you still have Mae's pi-picture i-in your w-wallet, right?" I said between my sobs, "Yes dear" she took her wallet out and handed it to me and there I saw Angel's Photo.
(12 Years ago- the day we lost her)
"Hey big sis! big sis! Please read the story for me again, please" she begged, "Mae stop, I'm tired, later, I'll tell you later when you got home from school" I told her. She threw her teddy bear at me which she named "Pinky" even though the real color was white, but well, we are all like that. "Mae stop, really, I promise, I'll read it to you later, Big sister is tired, I want to rest for now". "Big sis you dummy! I hate you! You better read it to me! If you don't, I'm going to hate you for the rest of my life!"that was the last thing I heard from her, she went to school afterwards and well for me, I was only waiting for her to arrive from school. Waited for hours, and it was almost 5, at exactly 5 pm our school bus would arrive at the house. But 5:00 pm no school bus, 5:20 pm still none, 5:30 pm, I received a call from mom, telling me to pack things up, Mae got into an accident, 50-50. I hurriedly packed up and as I went outside my dad arrived and we went to the hospital. 6:08 pm time of death. ------------------------------------------- everything went black and that's when I started to blame myself--------------------------------------------Mae-------------------I'm sorry, I love you.
I was still crying in front of my little sister's grave, hugging the story book, "I'm so sorry Angel, Mae. I'm really sorry! If only I knew, if only......" then I collapsed.
"Big sis, thank you or everything, for always coming here every single day. I will never forget you, for giving me things I never expect, for treating me as your little sister, for playing with me, for giving me some of your time even though I know you're busy hehe. I thank you for keeping your promise, I always knew you'd never forget that promise." Promise? wait, what? "Angel? I'm kind of lost, what are you talking about? what promise? Did I promise you something? Well, of course I maybe I did made a promise about meeting you here everyday but what do you mean by I'd never forget about that promise?" I asked, wait, this feels like deja vu. But this time Angel answered "Big sis, the promise about reading the story to me, you kept it and made it happen, I'm sorry for throwing Pinky at you but, you deserve it. Thank you for everyting up until now big sis for the candy, for giving my book to me, I love you, I really do. That goes the same for mom and dad. Till we meet again".
So this is true love, true love is not just about loving your special someone (boyfriend/girlfriend), but true love is what you feel about your family, how you treasure them, how you want to keep them safe. True love is always and will always start in our family. Little sis, you will always be my true love. I love you
