listen.

ii. song that you listen to a lot

songs that we wrote when we were drunk

There had been a series of minutes where I thought, did I even know you? But then I berated myself. Of course I know (knew) you. Of course i did. Then there were another series of minutes when I had been an absolute ball of rage, resulting in a few of our photos being deleted from my phone. The first was of us two at the park. You were on the swings like an exuberant child while I stood in front of you. The second deleted photo was a selfie. We were both donned in matching scarves and beanies when we went to the ice-rink. I remember that you ended up with a massive bruise on your knee and I ended up with an even larger bruise on my tailbone when I had attempted to save you. A few other photos followed them to evaporation. The little cafe on Baker St, the movies after watching The Dark Knight, the tree in your front yard, the balcony at my apartment flat. Then I came upon a video.

we used to sing 'we had it all' and record it on our phones

We were still in high school and we were still on a sugar high (and slightly tipsy) after the carnival (candy floss and cheap beers did that to people). So the carnival tune was still imprinted in our heads when we got to the bus stop. You were chattering away, about the lights, the games, the food, while i was humming along to the carnival’s main theme. Then I started singing. “Zoey, this is it, we have it all. This is it. We have it all. ”

I don’t know what got over me. I don’t sing, you were the singer in the relationship and, because of that, you just had to record our very own duet.

but when i listen back now, it’s just out of tune.

After that little incident you would quietly demand me to ‘come, take a break from all that work’ and then, together, we’d write songs. Some songs were sad, some happy, some ridiculous and other lovely. The plain songs were written when we were fully awake and concentrating. Most were like that. But, the others, they were ethereal. These songs happened when we were drunk and care-free. When we were not in tune and we were bare. These times, in my opinion, were when we loved each other the most.

When we wrote we worked so we were so on beat, together.

What’s wrong with me? How did we get so syncopated? What have we done? When did this happen? Why? How?

how did we end up here? so out of sync.

What happened to us?

“Zoey, Zoey wait up, Zoey!”

“Oh, hey.”

“Zoey. That was the greatest gig ever.”

She laughed her tinkly laugh. “There were only ten people in the audience.”

“Still. Best thing I’ve ever seen.”

maybe all the lies were truer than we know

And it was true. You didn’t sound the greatest up there, not when the likes of Elton John and The Beatles existed. But you looked like an angel what with your hair tied back and your face all glowy. 

and maybe anticlockwise is the only antidote.

“Zoey.”

“Yeah?”

“Need help with that?”

“Nah. I’m fine. Meetcha back at the bar.”

And then you turned without waiting for my reply.

That night we had the cheapest beer on the menu. It tasted strange and sticky in our mouths but it was enough to launch us on one of our writing sprees.