Things I'll Never Say

A Battle Conquered

Fear seized control of my body like it never had before and I suddenly felt myself paralyzed to even the idea of moving or talking; I just couldn't do it. Mike proceeded walking in through door, approaching us with massed power and control over the situation. I knew before he even had the chance to open his lips again that this was far worse than the incident at the dinner party or any other nonsense argument we had been in before. I had outright defied him and his rules; and I knew he wouldn't let me forget it without some kind of punishment.

"Mr. Johnson, I'm John. I was just helping your wife here. I saw she fell outside of your house and I just wanted to make sure she was okay and got in safely. It was nothing more, you have my word," John said with the highest respect.

I was almost shocked at the fact that John was capable of lying. I mean, everyone is capable of lying, I knew that, but he seemed too esteemed to do something like that. Then again, it was clear his intentions were more to save me and let me explain things for myself rather than to lead Mike astray in some way. But, his attempts, I knew, would have been for nothing because Mike didn't even allow me to go outside without his knowing. So, while John was trying to save me, a hole had been dug for the pit that I'd soon be left to fester in.

Mike gave him a once over and deemed his apology worthy, replying,"Good man, John. Thanks for looking out for my wife for me. Now, if you don't mind, I had actually come home to have some lunch with her before I have to go back to work."

Following the gesture Mike gave towards the door, John headed out, but said one last thing before he closed the door,"I hope you feel better."

Mike stood at the window, watching John get in his car and pull out, speeding away down the road until he disappeared from view completely. Once it was clear we were alone, Mike turned back around towards me. I braced myself for the war that was bound to come.

"So you fell, huh? You look perfectly fine to me. What were you doing out in the first place? I thought you were sick?" Mike started off, now standing in front of me with his muscular arms folded over his chest

"Yeah, I was sick. I wasn't feeling well this morning. But then I decided to pick myself up and pick up a few things at the grocery store that we needed. I actually managed to get my flu shot for free while I was there too," I started explaining to him.

"Oh, well isn't that great. So how come you all of a sudden feel better, huh? Were you trying to fake it for me this morning so I wouldn't give you a list of things to do? I don't understand you, Demi. Isn't it boring in this house with nothing to do? I thought I was keeping you occupied. But instead, you feel the need to be sneaky with me. I don't appreciate it."

Mike made his way to our dining room table and took a seat, placing his bag down while looking back up at me. I knew he was waiting for an explanation and I couldn't seem to find the right words to say it, so I just flat out told him,"Mike..I think I'm pregnant."

He looked back at me with a vacant stare and said absolutely nothing for a moment, making the fear inside me grow even larger to the point where it seemed it would soon swallow me whole. "Please just say something."

"Well what do you want me to say? Huh? And how is it that you just think you're pregnant? Get back to me when you know and I actually have something to worry about," Mike growled, pulling his sandwich out of his brown paper bag and taking a bite.

"Mike, you already have something to worry about it and I know you know that! That's why you've been acting so nice lately! You were trying to distract me and you didn't want me to find out. I may have fell for it once, but that doesn't mean I didn't catch on," I bantered back, started to get frustrated.

"Well, just spit it out, Demi! What are you getting at here?" Mike spat.

All the rage and resentment that had built up inside me our whole marriage just spilled out in one sentence,"You're a guilty man Mike, and the police are after you! You are beyond screwed! And once they have all the information they need, you'll be in court and they'll have you locked up because everyone knows you're guilty. It's all over the news, Mike. And let's say by the grace of God you are found innocent. It's only a matter of time before you lose your job. And no one's going to want to higher someone who was in such a highly profiled case. This town isn't big Mike, and that used to work to your advantage. But not anymore. Your friends are leaving and you are losing your connections. No one wants to be friends with a convict. So you're telling me you don't have anything to worry about? Looks like me being pregnant could just be the stick that breaks the camel's back. And I do not want to stick around just to watch it all fall apart."

For the first time in our relationship, I had managed to silence Mike. Not because he didn't feel like talking to me, not because he was ignoring me, but because he knew that he couldn't deny that he was wrong and I was right; and I think it scared him speechless.

After moments of piercing silence, Mike finally said,"Get out of my face."

His hands were in the shape of a visor around his head as he stared at the table, his back turned to me. There was no recognition of my presence or anything I had just said, it was just a simple statement that said it all. And, knowing he finally heard what I had been saying to him for months, I walked away to our room, almost satisfied knowing that he was thrown a little deeper into that pit, and his festering could not compare to mine. Although I had not won the war, I finally won a battle; and that was something I was proud of.