Dreams and Visions

[Karma]

I was in his homeroom/advisory. Mrs. Reed's room was slightly altered but still had those black counters. We spent the first 10 minutes ignoring each other. At least I was ignoring him.

Then I went to go pick up a sheet of paper. I didn't notice him come up beside me till I reached out for one of the sheets. He grabbed my hand and held it tightly in his. I grasped and let it out as a jagged breath. 

"You realize this is the closest you have been to me in a year, don't you?"

"Yes." I whispered, my eyes fixed on his face. Something was different. I recognized that his chin had sprouted a couple hairs.

"I know you." he stated.

"Yes." I whispered, petrified.

"You know me." he said

"Yes...way too much." I closed my eyes before whispering. "Why is your breathing so shallow?" he asked curiously, squeezing my hand gently.

"I am afraid."

"Don't be afraid. I don't want you to be." he said gently. I believed him.

We held hands for the rest of advisory, both of us with huge grins on our faces. But I had to let go for a moment to get my backpack. It felt like letting go of a life line.

The bell rang and everyone rushed out of the room. I ran out into the crowded hallway searching for him. There was no sign of him. He was gone. [Once again, I was alone.]

On the way home I got off the bus at his stop and did something I would never dare to do in real life. I went to his house and waited. I chatted with his father on the front porch while we waited.

Eventually he came up the road and prepared to turn into the driveway but he saw me. He quickly drove away. His father questioned why and I decided to tell his father everything. His father was shocked and appalled, but his father understood. His father invited me to stay for dinner and the nigh so I could meet his grandparents.

At dinner I conversed with his parents and grandparents but we did not utter a single word to each other. He didn't spare me a single glance even though I looked at him often.

Soon enough we were going off to bed. I lay awake in the blue guest room thinking about the feel of his hand in mine. I fell asleep with my hand tingling.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of him and Matt playing Xbox. I peeked in the room where their voices were coming from and saw them.

The next thing I remember was later in the morning. His family & him were going somewhere and I was about to return home, defeated. 

I noticed him sitting in the car in the front seat alone. I went over and climbed into the car and over the front seat so I was hovering over him. An affectionate smile appeared on his face but I ignored it- or didn't see it in time.

"F*** you." I said. The smile slipped off his face faster than I would have thought possible. I clambered off of him and walked away. I glanced back once and saw that he was crying.

A/N: This may not make sense to some of you, but just try and understand I can't say his name. He is addressed as just that...he.  Why is it called [Karma]? Because he made me cry so many times, karma bit him back...if only in a dream.  Why can't you say his name? I just can't.  Is this real? No, it was a dream that I fould I could put into words beautifully.

I am looking for a song that matches this dream. Any suggestions are much appreciated.