An Abundance of Moths

Chapter 7: Cowboy Boots and Alien Testes

Your name is Alice Lynn and you enjoy fixing old cars with an infestation of moths. You have long dark dark brown hair and tan skin. You think you're probably Native American but you've never met your biological parents. When you were an infant you were abducted by a friendly bunch of aliens called the Lazerons. From then on you've lived with your new parents named Daniel and Margaret Lynn on the planet Lazera. You take on more of an Earth western style. At least that's what Mr. Lynn told you. He also called you the stereotypical lesbian. You didn't care, because you loved your worn cowboy boots and Sally's Diner trucker hat. Also you are lesbian so you weren't bothered by his comment at all to be honest. I mean at least he didn't call you a dyke.
Another factor about yourself that's different than most other Lazerons is that your pretty chubby. Most Lazerons are extremely skinny with small round heads. Your kind of the complete opposite. When you were a kid a lot of the neighborhood kids would make fun of you for how fat you were. You never cried or got sad, you usually would start throwing your moon rock collection at them to make them leave you alone. It worked about 99.1% of the time. You actually love your fat. You think it shows that some people can be different and still be happy. (And you think it makes you look kinda hot ).
You're planning on going back to earth on your 25th birthday which is next week. You're meeting someone. A friend. Sort of. He can kinda be a douche though. One time when you and him were little he went up to your 6th grade maths teacher and ripped off his balls and ate them. You told him that it was a dick move and he blew a snot rocket at you in response. He isn't human like you, but he also isn't lazeron either. He never really told you what his race was, but you didn't want to be rude to ask. You two had one thing in common. A love for old cars and fixing them. You guys would often fix people old cars for fun even though no one on Lazera uses cars They are more of a souvenir to Lazerons.
About a year ago your friend got kicked out of Lazera for having sex with the Kings daughter, Lizzabeth. He's such a fucking dumb ass. You may think he's stupid most of the time, but you still care about him. You often worry about how he's doing and where he is now and if he's even still alive. Then one day you got a letter from him telling you to come down to earth on your birthday. And at the bottom of the letter there was a pinky finger from a baby. This letter will change your life without you realizing it yet. You will embark on a strange and exotic adventure with some very peculiar gentlemen and end up meeting a very lovely girl named Luna.