Beau

insane.

"I sometimes wonder what life would be like if we were all the same" I tell Harry and lean my head against his window, nestling closer as I feel the coldness radiating from the glass.

We have been sitting in silence for the last twenty minutes. I am too afraid I will say something wrong like usual, so I have sealed my lips shut. The silence felt uncomfortable at first, but I have adjusted to it. I sort of like being with someone who isn't asking me five million questions at one time. It's such a breath of fresh air to be with Harry in these moments. 'The Scientist' is playing lowly on the radio, and Harry is tapping his knee in perfect rhythm. I like this moment.

"Life would be meaningless." Harry's voice is still so low as it was before. He seems so unhappy, but at the same time, his presence is bringing me down to earth.

"Harry." I lift my head up from the window, and pull my feet closer to my chest. I'm trying to put into words how I feel about everything going on right now. For once, I want to process my thoughts before throwing them out into the open.

"Yeah?" Harry turns to me, and a curl falls into his face. He doesn't seem to mind, but my hand moves across the space between us, and I push it up out of his face. "Isn't that supposed to be a guy to a girl thing?" He asks and moves his eyes back to the road.

I ignore his question and resort back to my previous position. I wish Harry would just have a serious moment for more than one minute. He understands what I am going through, and to have someone to be there for me while I go through this, would be amazing. What a mistake to think Harry could be that person.

"Can you please take me home, Harry?" I barely hear myself ask the question. Maybe I am so quiet, because I don't want to go home.

"Not until you tell me what you wanted before?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you said 'Harry' all depressed."

"Why do you use that word so lightly? I am not depressed. And, it really wasn't anything." I glance towards him and see the same curl dangling in his face. I don't bother to push it away from him again.

I close my eyes, feeling the night start to take over. "Beau, tell me." He's so damn stern, and he always feels this need to command me.

I keep my eyes shut, "Harry, I want to know how you got through it. I don't want to be sad anymore."

Harry's quiet for a few seconds, then the car comes to a stop, and I open my eyes. "I still am going through it, Beau. And, I really don't think it's something that just goes away. You learn to deal with the pain, and you just have to use it to better improve yourself."

I want Harry's statement to somehow be wrong, but I know it isn't. I am always going to have to deal with the loss of my mother. "I would love to take that advice, but it seems you should execute that advice on your own."

"Because I am a failure?" Harry looks at me and laughs. I was expecting him to take that hard, but he doesn't. "I didn't drop out of college, because I was too sad. I got kicked out, Beau."

"You what?"

"You see, I was too sad to do anything with my life, and I was caught with heroine. I was an addict for 2 years."

"Oh my God," I put my hand on Harry's shoulder and softly move my hand in circles.

"I'm just fucking with you." Harry's deep laugh fills the car, and my mind fills with rage.

I rip on the door handle of the Jeep and push the door open. I step out onto the rocky road, just noticing he took us up into Lylin's Point.

"You can't just be serious for just a second? God," I throw my hands in the air like a complete child and storm up the path. "I'm trying to talk to you about my dead mother, and the best you can do is make a joke about how you were a heroine addict. That's not okay, Harry. My dad was an addict, and it's so fucked up to make a joke about that!" I'm fuming now, and it's Deja Vu all over again. Harry and me screaming at one another.

"Jesus, I didn't know. If I knew your dad was...you know... I wouldn't of even attempted that joke." His face softens slightly as he walks closer to me.

"I'm just fucking with you." I say in a mock tone, and give him the most sarcastic smile.

His demeanor falls, and he kicks his boot against the ground like a child. "You're insane!" he screams towards me.

I laugh and rush towards him. "I'm insane? No, no, you're insane!" I push my finger into his chest, and in one swift move, he grabs my hand.

"God, you're insane." He looks down at me and bites his lip, observing me like I am some piece of meat.

"I want to scream." I whisper and try to pull my hand from his, but he doesn't budge.

Harry lifts his arm and shouts as loud as I have ever heard a person shout before.
I flinch and look at him. He's grinning widely, and I can't restrict myself from smiling back at him. I repeat his actions and lift my arm up and scream. I scream so damn loud, and it's as if a layer of me drifted away into the night with my scream. Standing here, holding each other's hands, we scream, and we scream as loud as we can, knowing we're both insane.

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