Close To The Edge

Take Me Away

                 

Codi overdosed again. I was spending the night at her house too. She said she had to pee so I didn't think much of it, I decided I'll spend time with her brother. Half hour passes by and Codi is nowhere to be found. I look all over her house. The bathroom door is unlocked, strange... I open the door and find her lying down, practically dead. I call 911 immediately and then I start to give her CPR. I call her little brother to go get his parents up and get dressed. I feel so bad for him because he's only 7 and he doesn't understand what is going on. His parents come running back and are now terrified.

            As I'm pushing on her chest I reassure her parents that I already called 911 andthat I am CPR and First Aid certified. The ambulance comes flying up their street and come rushing into their house. Codi's mum brings them back to the bathroom and tells them that she has to go to St. Judes. They put Codi on the stretcher and away they went. Codi's parents, her little brother and I all get into the family car and floor it all the way to the hospital. We find out that they rushed her into trauma 3. We all wait impatiently to hear the news about Codi. They bring her out on the bed and move her up stairs. We all take this time to our advantage and try to forget how bad the situation is and go to the café to get something to eat. Her parents and I all get a cup of coffee and her little brother gets one big heaping cup of hot cocoa. The nurses found us and said that Codi is upstairs and that they have her stable, they have her breathing off a machine. The male nurse said that Codi's parents should look into a recovery center for her.

                 

Thesad thing is, is that Codi has already been in 3 different types of rehabcenters within the past year and this year is our senior year of high school. Iwould really hate to not spend my final year of school without my best friend.I worry about Codi probably way too much but what are best friends for? I treatCodi as a sister, the sister I never had. But if Codi would succeed intocommitting suicide I would most definitely think about doing it to myself, Ijust don't know if I would have the guts to follow through with it. I mean, Ihave tried to before, but that was like last year when I was super depressedand suicidal. Codi and I didn't talk much last year and I thought that thatwould be the end of our friendship but it turns out she was struggling just as much as I was.

                 

            I felt ever worse last year when she told me that she shut everyone out because of how bad her depression got. When I found out I wish I had gotten the signs sooner and that I would've done something to help her, but no, I was too worried about myself if I wanted to live. Anyways, back to Codi and how she is still in the hospital, they are not only keeping her over night but she is going to be there until Tuesday after noon. Great. Just Great. Monday and Tuesday without Codi in school, it'll be hell. Well, I should probably tell my parents that I'm at the hospital on a Saturday night and I'll be home late tomorrow afternoon. They didn't care much as long as Codi is fine. They even said that I could skip school Monday and Tuesday just to be with her.

OnceI get off the phone with my parents I go to the front counter to see what roomCodi is in. 182. Room 182. I can take either the stairs or the elevator, well Ijust saw someone get into the elevator...I guess I'm going to take the stairs up2 floors, running as fast as I can I make it to the second floor not fallingeven once in 2 minutes flat. Not bad for someone who only exercises in gymclass, only when the teacher is watching.

I run into Codi's room to make sure she is all right. I find her sobbing uncontrollably. She spots me and says that she only wanted the world to be a better place and that won't happen if she is here. I collapse onto the floor crying. I scream at her that the world would be worse without her and that I love her a lot.

                 

The following day Codi told me that she's going to get her gender changed to a male figure and to tell everyone at school that she is gender fluid and to start using male pronouns and to forget about female pronouns with her. As much as don't want to go to school on Monday to be with Codi in the hospital, he makes me go. Just so I can tell the principal and guidance. I go to all my classes trying my hardest to not think about Codi and not cry for him. I see someone I know, I don't really know if I can call her my friend though. She made me a promise a year ago and broke it. So she kind of lost my trust but Codi is really good friends with her, I decide on Codi's behalf to tell her about Codi and her, his, her, no him, um...Codi's sex change. She's taken back by the surprise about Codi but she saw it coming. She runs straight to her boy-toy. Ugh. I hate him so fucking much. He's the reason as to why the promise was fucking broken.