It Smells Like Rain

Chapter Eight: Guilt & Other Notions

"It Smells Like Rain"

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Chapter Eight: Guilt & Other Notions

Our breath mingled together, and, even though I knew this was wrong, my lips moved in sync with his. It seemed like time had stopped, that that moment would last forever. But it didn't.

"Jess," I whispered, pushing against him. "Stop."

He stepped back, releasing me from his grasp, and giving me room to catch some much-needed breath. I leaned against the wall tiredly, closing my eyes. 

"I can't believe you did that." I shook my head. 

When Jesse spoke, his voice was clipped, and almost angry. "Don't try to pawn this solely on me. You kissed me back."

I could feel tears prickling at my eyes. "You started it," I retorted weakly. He laughed, and stepped close again, brushing away the tears that had fallen. 

"Don't cry," he murmured. I opened my eyes when he pulled me into a hug. 

"No, Jess. We can't do this. We can't." To reinforce my words, I said, "I love Arden. And I know you love Rachel."

"But I don't. Not the way I love you. Don't you see? They're just obstacles in our path. Nothing can stop us from being together. Nothing." He sounded determined, but I pushed him away angrily. 

"Jesse, I don't want to do this. Don't make me do it." 

"Then don't. You don't have to say anything. Arden? He'll find someone else, he'll move on. I love-"

"Stop!" I cried. As immature as it was, I pressed my hands to my ears, squeezing my eyes shut. "Don't say it again. It only makes this so much harder. I love you Jesse, but I also love Arden, and I can't just leave him at the drop of a hat because my best friend is in love with me. We can't." I took in a deep breath and opened my eyes, preparing myself. "I'm in love with Arden, and he's my boyfriend. I'm not leaving him."

He stumbled back, as if I'd slapped him. He ran a hand through his hair as he stared off into the distance. "You don't love me the same, do you?" 

His voice was so broken, so vulnerable. But I knew there was no other way.

"No," I murmured. "I don't."

"Then why did you kiss me back?"

"Instinct? I was shocked at first. Taken by surprise, that's all."

"Oh." He gulped.

"I have to go," I whispered. I could feel an onslaught of emotions breaking down my defenses, and I needed to get away. I sprinted away from him, trying to ignore his tear-stained face, and disappeared into the night.

_______________

I received the news the next morning.

Jesse had been hospitalized.

"What?" I shouted. "That doesn't make any sense! He was fine last night; he..." I trailed off, because I realized my words were wrong. He hadn't been okay when I'd left him. He had been, as it appeared to my eyes, deserted in a time when he needed me. But I couldn't stay. My father had always told me to never run from my problems, because they would always catch up to me. But last night, I had been so overwhelmed, and when I'd gotten home, I'd gone straight to bed, crying. 

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but his mother just called to let us know. She said last night he didn't come home on time, and after an hour, she got worried. So she called the cafe, and when she found out it was closed, she called us. I told her you were already asleep. Well, apparently she went looking for him and found him unconscious on top of a jungle jim, of all places. He was barely breathing, so she rushed him to the hospital. He's stable now. They're allowing visitors now, so if you get dressed, I'll take you down there."