A Thousand Tomorrows

Chapter 2

Their second son had Down syndrome. His condition came with a host of problems, feeding issues, development and speech delay. One day Liz and Andrew sat down at the kitchen table.

"You barely talk to Ben" she crossed her arms. "You act like he has the flu or something"

Andrew shrugged. "We'll get him therapy, he'll be fine"

"He won't be fine, Andy." She heard the crack in her voice. "He will be this forever, he will be with us forever"

It was the last part the caught Andrews attention. He said nothing significant a the time, nothing Liz could remember. But that summer, he was gone more than he was home. Alway his story was the same. He was traveling the country looking for a tryout, getting a few weeks' look in one city and then another, working out with a handful of teams, trying to convince coaches he hasn't lost a step, hadn't done anything except get stronger since the injury.

But one weekend morning, when Andrew was still asleep in their bedroom. Liz found a Polaroid picture in his duffle bag she was unpacking. She found a picture of him in a bar surrounded by three slutty girls.

When Andrew woke up, Liz was in the kitchen ready to confront him. He would have to stop traveling, stop believing his next contract was a tryout away. Bars would be a thing of the past, because she needed him at home, helping with the boys. Money was running out. If soccer had nothing more to offer he would have to go out and find a job, something to help support them. She had her speech memorized, but it was all for nothing.

He took control of the conversation from the moment he saw her at the table.

"This..." He tossed his hands in the air and let them fall limp at his sides. His eyes were bloodshot. "This isn't what I want anymore"

"What" she held up to Polaroid picture. "You mean this"

Anger flashed in his eyes. He grabbed the picture from her hands, crumbled in up and slammed it into the trash can. The look he have her was cold, indifferent. He gritted his teeth, "What I do outside this house is my business."

She opened her mouth but before she could tell him he was wrong, he slid the wedding ring from his left hand and dropped it on the table in between them.

"It's over Liz, I don't love you anymore."

Ben's cry sounded from upstairs. Slow and monotone, the cry of child who would always be different. Liz looked up, following the sound. Then met Andrews dark green eyes again. "This isn't about me" she kept her voice gentle, calm, "It's about you"

A loud breath escaped his lips. "It's not about me"

"It is" she sat back, her eyes never leaving his. "You were on the top of the world before you got hurt; now you are our of work and afraid." Compassion found a place in her voice. "Lets pull together, Andy" she stood up, picked up his ring, and held it out to him. "Let me help you."

Ben's cry grew louder.

Andrew closed his eyes. "I can't..." His words were tortured whispered. "I can't stay here. I can't be a father to him, Liz. Every time I look at him, I... I can't do it"

Liz felt the blood drain from her face and cheap linoleum turn liquid beneath her feet. What had he said? This was about Ben? Precious Ben, who never did anything but smile at Andrew and long to be held by him.

Liz's scalp tingled, and the hair on her arms stood straight up. "You're saying you can't be married to me because if OUR son, Ben"

"Don't say it like that" he pitched the bridge of his nose and hung his head.

Ben's cry grew louder.

"But that's it right?" The truth was exploding with her, spraying shrapnel at her heart and soul and leaving scars that would stay forever. "You want out because you can't be a father to Ben. Or because you're embarrassed by him. Because he is not perfect"

"I'm already packed, Liz, and called a cab. I'm flying to California and starting over. You can have the house, I will send you money when I get a job."

In a small, less important part of her mind, she was wondering where Luke was at and why he was being do quiet. But she couldn't act upon her curiosity. She was too busy reminding herself to breath. "You're leaving because your son has Down syndrome. Do you hear yourself, Andy?"

But he was already headed back upstairs.