Games of Deception (Hawkeye/Avengers)

Chapter 23 - The Monster

-Jacqueline's P.O.V-

It all seemed so wrong.

I stood in front of a small mirror, finishing pulling up the zipper on the front of the S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform I was now wearing. Putting it on, stepping back and seeing myself wearing the symbol of the people I had hated for so long, it just seemed too messed up. Was I really going to be bothered to go through with this? Despite now knowing the truth behind what they'd done, I still hadn't come to full terms with not only cooperating with them, but basically becoming one of them. I was turning my back completely to what my parents were, what the rest of my family likely had been a part of somehow as well, and what they had wanted me to become. But this, I concluded, was a far better option than standing by and watching as the earth as we knew it could be destroyed. Or being executed for that matter, although I wasn't sure if that fate was entirely out of the picture yet. I felt that I had something to live for now, and that was a feeling I wanted to revel in for as long as I possibly could.

I brushed back the stray strands of hair sticking out of my head with my fingers and opened the door again to find Clint with an anxious look marking his usually neutral expression. I had noticed that since I'd gotten on this thing that I learned was apparently called the Helicarrier, he had taken to a much more serious side than what I had known before. I suppose I had as well, for the most part; there was really no room for anyone to be fooling around anyhow. The worst thing about it was that we were forced to keep our distance, when more than anything all I wanted was to be near him. I was still struggling to understand how someone could do so much without even saying a word. In some strange way, being with him made me more calm.

"All good?" he asked, looking up at me. I felt somewhat awkward being in his room, at least the one he'd had while there anyways, but nodded in reply.

"Yeah, fine." I lied. I was in truth a bit nervous. But I didn't know why; I mean, there wasn't really that much to it. Weasel some information out of Loki and then leave. It wasn't like I'd never done anything like that before. Well, I hadn't done it to this caliber, but still yet it wasn't like it would be all that difficult. At least, I hoped it wouldn't be.

"That's probably the worst lie I've ever heard from you."

I sighed and sat down next to him, he was right after all. "What am I even doing here, Clint? Does anyone really think this is going to work?"

He looked back at me in silence for a moment before replying. "I know it's not easy to go against everything you know. You believe in one thing, but know what's right is something entirely different. You lose sense of...who you really are." He looked down again, seeming somewhat lost in thought, and I knew that he really did somehow understand what I was feeling.

I was somewhat surprised when after a few moments of silence I felt Clint grab my hand and pull me back up onto my feet. "You'll figure it out," he said, "I promise. Give it time."

I gave a single nod, knowing that I could believe him now. He smiled lightly and pulled something out of the pocket in the jacket he was wearing, putting it in my hand.

"You'll need this, by the way." I looked down and saw that it was one of the earpieces that I'd seen pretty much all of the agents wearing. I put it in and Clint briefly explained how it worked, and soon after he was leading me to where Loki was being held, a pang of nervousy still twisting around in my stomach. Thankfully we took our time getting there, so I was able to talk to him for a while longer than what I had expected. It occured to me to bring up what Natasha had said to me earlier that day, although I wasn't sure if I really should...

"So, um, I talked to Natasha earlier." I began, and Clint's sideways glance wasn't quite reassuring.

"I'm assuming that went well." he replied with an edge of sarcasm, and I scoffed under my breath.