Weirdly Roommates

Weird Riff-Off

Chloe's POV:

It was a week later at Sigma Beta Theta's annual fall mixer and we were preforming "Turn The Beat Around".

"This makes my beer taste bad," Steve said.

"I'm gonna stop this," Howie said walking over to us, "Woah, woah. Just stop. Stop."

"I am so sorry, Howie. I know we're not performance ready-" I started to say before he cut me off.

"I wanted the hot Bellas, not this barnyard explosion. I'm not paying for this. Let's go. Come on," Howie said as he ushered us off the stage.

We walked out in silence until Aubrey started talking.

"God. Well, I hope you all remember the way you feel right now, so you will never wanna feel this way again. Chloe, your voice didn't sound Aguilerian at all. Chloe, for serious, what is wrong with you?" She said.

"I have nodes," I confessed.

"What? My God!" Aubrey said.

"I found out this morning," I told them.

"What are nodes?" Beca asked.

"Vocal nodules. The rubbing together of your vocal cords at above-average rates without proper lubrication," Aubrey replied.

"They sit on your windpipe and they crush your dreams," I said.

"Isn't that painful? Why would you keep performing?" Beca asked.

"Because I love to sing," I replied.

"Yeah, it's like when my lady doctor told me not to have sex for six weeks, and I did it anyway," Stacie interjected.

"You should really listen to your doctor," Amy said to her.

"They key is early diagnosis. I am living with nodes. But I am a survivor. I just have to pull back. Because I am limited. Because I have nodes," I said.

"Chloe this is horrible!" Aubrey cried.

"Well at least it's not herpes. Or do you have that as well?" Amy asked.


Beca's POV:


Me and Jesse were at work and he was trying to flirt with me by using record covers when Luke walked out of the booth.

"Jesse?" Luke said.

"Yeah?" Jesse replied.

"I'm starving so could you..." Luke said.

"You want me to get you lunch? You should probably lay off the burgers. You're not gonna be 22 forever, you know," Jesse said.

Luke pulled his shirt up a little, revealing his eight-pack.

"Yeah, I think I'm good," he said.

"He's good. You're good," I said.

"And the chess match continues," Jesse said as he went to get Luke some lunch.

I pulled out my hard drive and looked at Luke.

"Ah hey, this is my new mix, so if there's anything you wanted to play..." I said.

"Yeah, okay. I'll put it on the pile," he said.

"Okay," I replied.




"What's up, weirdo?" Jesse asked as he plopped down next to me on the grass and throwing me a juice pouch.

"Okay. What's this?" I asked uncertainly.

"As much as I love spending time with you stacking CDs...and I do. I love it, like more than life. I figured we could do some other fun things that don't make us wanna kill ourselves, right?" He asked.

"Yeah," I replied, not sure where this was going.

"So, brought some movies. Jaws, E.T., The Breakfast Club, Star Wars and Rocky. Best scored and soundtracked movies of all time. That's what I wanna do when I grow up. I wanna score movies. Bring people to tears, you know. Blow their minds. I feel like only music can do that," he explained.

"Yeah. You must really sweep your girlfriend off her feet," I told him.

"I don't have a girlfriend," he said.

"What?" I asked in shock.

"No," he said.

"You have juice pouches and Rocky!" I said.

"Okay, so what do you wanna watch first?" He asked.

"Wanna do something else? We could relive my parents' divorce. Or visit a gynaecologist?" I suggested.

"What, do you not like movies or something? Like any movies? You don't...What the hell is wrong with you? How do you not like movies? Not liking movies is like not liking puppies!" He said.

"They're fine. I just get bored and never make it to the end," I said.

"The endings are the best part," he said.

"They're predictable. Like, the guy gets the girl and that kid sees dead people and Darth Vader is Luke's father," I explained.

"Okay, right, so you just happen to guess the biggest cinematic reveal in history?" He asked.

"'Vader' in German means father. His name is literally 'Darth Father.'" I replied.

"Huh. So you know German. Well now I know why you don't like fun things. You know, you need a movie education. You need a movie-cation. And I'm gonna give it to you," he said.

"Yeah, in between Bellas rehearsals, which are always," I said.

"Are you guys getting ready for the riff-off?" He asked.

"What the hell is a riff-off?" I asked.


Chloe's POV: at the riff-off


"Hit it! Welcome to the riff-off! Who's ready to get vocal? The winners get the greatest prize of all.." Justin said.

"I'm taking you down," Jesse mouthed to Beca.

"..the microphone used by Hoobastank..." Justin continued.

"I don't care," she mouthed back.

"...when they rocked out at the Schnee Performing Arts Centre. Let's see our first category... Ladies of the 80's!" Justin finished.

Aubrey ran up to start a song but Bumper beat her to it.

"Oh Mickey, you're so fine, you blow my mind! Hey Mickey, hey! Oh Mickey you're so fine-" the Trebles started to sing until the Harmonics cut them off, "You're so fine, and you're mine, I'll be yours, till the end of time... Cause you make feel, oh you maaaake me feel. So shiny and new, yeah! Like a virgin, like a virgin, touched for the very first time, like the-" Rey sang until Aubrey stepped up and cut them off, "Like the one in me, that's okay, let's see how you do it, put up your dukes, and lets get down to it! Hit me with your best shot! Why don't you hit me with your best shot? Hit me with your best shot, fire away!" We sang until someone from the Harmonics came and cut us off with "It Must Have Been Love" and she was a horrible singer.

"The negative side effects of medical marijuana, folks. You are...Cut off! Stoney Baloney. Let's check out our next category," Justin said.

"So we just pick any song that works?" Beca asked.

"Yeah, any song," I replied.

"And you just go with it? Nice," she said.

"And our next category is...songs about sex," Justin said.

"Sex?" Stacie said.

We sang Rihanna's "S&M" and then the Trebles cut us off with "Let's Talk About Sex" and then Stacie and Amy cut them off with "I'll Make Love To You" and Jesse cut them off with "Feels Like The First Time".

Then Beca ran up and started rapping "No Diggity" and we were all shocked that she could rap that song.

"Keep going," Jesse urged.

Beca continued the song and every Bella except Aubrey joined in to finish the song.

"I mean you're welcome!" Beca said after we finished.

"It's a tough blow ladies. The word you needed to match was "it." And you sang, "it's." You are...cut off!" Justin said.

"Are you serious?" Beca asked.

"The Trebles win!" Justin yelled.

"Beca, I'm sorry. You lost," Jesse said.

"I've never heard that rule! Ladies, ladies, come on. Come back," Aubrey called.

"Sorry. Money in the bank. Enjoy watching us win the ICCAs. On the TV. On a regional cable affiliate!" Bumper said.

"Before everybody goes to bed tonight, I need you to make a list of everything you did wrong," Aubrey said.

"I'm gonna melt that cabbage patch kid," Any said.

"Hey guys, what we just did was great, right?" Beca asked.

"Calm your pits Beca, we still lost," Aubrey said coldly.

"Yeah but it was spontaneous. It was awesome. We were actually listening to..." Beca said

"Okay everybody, hands in. "Ahh" on my count," Aubrey said.

"On three of after three?" Stacie asked.

"On three," Cynthia said.

"After three," Amy said.

"One, two, three," Aubrey said.

"That's not how we do it," I said.

"Why can't we figure this out?" Stacie asked.


Beca's POV:


"So, I uh just find songs that have the same chord progressions and create a track that blends them together. So like, this is the new bass line, and this is matching up downbeats. I'm talking really loud. Um..that's me singing," I said to Jesse.

"This is really good. Now I'm the one yelling, right? That is amazing, Beca!" He said.

"Thanks," I said.

"So, I brought this over because I wanna watch you watch the end of this movie. And then I can die a hero. Wait, actually..." he said sitting down on my bed with my laptop.

"You have a habit of making yourself at home, did you know that?" I asked.

"Yeah. Okay. The Breakfast Club. 1985. Greatest ending to any movie ever. This song launched Simple Minds in the US. Could have been a Billy Idol song, but he turned it down. Idiot. Perfectly sums up the movie. It's equally beautiful and sad," he said.

"That is fascinating," I replied.

"Right," he said sarcastically.

"Tell me. What does Judd Nelson eat for breakfast?" I asked.

"Well, like all misunderstood rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy," he said.

"Sure," I said sarcastically.

"And black coffee to help him with his morning dumps," he finished.

"You're an idiot," I said.

"It's true. I'm full of fun facts," he said.

"You should let other people tell you they're fun," I said.

"You're missing the ending," Jesse said.

"Sorry. It's good. I'm sure the beginning is..." I said.

"Get out of her room, Jesse," Chloe said as she walked in.

"And I'm out. Always a pleasure, Chloe and Beca. So...Excuse me," he said as he left.

Chloe's POV:


"I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously," Amy said.

"How much have you done?" Aubrey asked.

"You just saw it," Amy replied.

"Chloe, you gotta be able to hit that last note," Aubrey told me.

"I can't. It's impossible. And it's because of my nodes," I replied.

"Her nodes. Her nodes," Amy said.

"Well if you can't do it, then someone else needs to solo," Aubrey said.

"I think Beca should take my solo," I said.

"Yeah Beca would be excellent. But also someone else might be equally as excellent," Amy said.

"It's true," Aubrey said.

"And they might be shy and not wanna come forward and say they wanted a solo," Amy hinted.

"Well Beca doesn't want a solo, so..." Aubrey said.

"I would be happy to do it if I got to pick a new song and do an arrangement," beca said.

"Well that's not how we run things here," Aubrey said.

"Aubrey, maybe Beca has a point. Maybe we could try something new," I suggested.

"Aca-scuse me? You can sing Turn the Beat Around and that's the last I wanna hear of this," Aubrey said.

"That song is tired. We're not gonna win with it. If we pull samples from different genres and layer them together, we could make some..." beca said.

"Okay let me explain something to you because you still don't seem to get it. Our goal is to get back to the finals and these songs will get us there. So, excuse me if I don't take advice from some alt-girl with her mad-lib beats because she's never been in a competition. Have I made myself clear?" Aubrey explained.

"Crystal. I won't solo," Beca agreed.

"Fine. Fat Amy?" Aubrey said.

"Yes, sir?" Amy replied.

"You'll solo," Aubrey said.

"Yes! Yes!" Any yelled as she drew a heart on h'we tee.