The Widowed

Chapter 1: Lost Again

I wake up feeling refreshed for the first time in almost eight years. I lay still for a moment taking the time to let memories play through my mind of Noah, it's almost as if I can still feel him with me but I know he isn't. I sigh and let my eyes slowly open as I reach my hand over to my bedside table and I feel around for a few moments before picking up my glasses. I hold them while I sit up and proceed to put them on while I make my way towards the kitchen. I pass the fireplace and smile as I pause to glance at the pictures of my husband and my son even though their faces are permanently sketched in my mind. I lazily make myself a cup of coffee making sure to add as much milk and sugar as possible. I chuckle remembering how my husband always teased me about it, saying I was destined to get diabetes from all that sugar and how my "concoction" isn't even considered coffee. His teasing began to rub off on Noah and it was soon his voice telling me how bad my habits were. His father would jokingly scold him and then turn right around and tell me the same thing Noah did.

I used to use these memories as a reason to cry every time I made coffee or every time I walked past a picture of either of them, but I soon realized that Lincoln, my husband, and Noah wouldn't want me to cry for them. They would want me to laugh each time I remembered them teasing me and smile each time I saw their picture. So now I've turned all of their heartbreaking memories into joyful, love filled ones and I can truthfully say that I am on Cloud 9.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing. I set my coffee down slowly and I quickly look around for my phone.

"Hi Ember," I answer smiling.

"Hey Teegan how are you?"

"I'm doing great," I reply as I pick my cup of coffee back up and gently sit on the couch," How about yourself?"

"Oh I'm doing great too! Are you going to group therapy today?" she asks.

"I think so. Are you?"

"Yes. I already talked to David and Alex and they said they were going too." My breathe hitches at the sound of those names. Breathe Teegan breathe. I mentally tell myself. Happy memories, happy memories. They lost their kids too.

"What about Harlyn?" I ask attempting to distract myself.

"I haven't talked to her, but I assume she's going."

I nod my head even though she can't see me," We're all doing so much better."

"I agree," she says," I have to go and finish getting ready. I'll see you soon."

"Bye," I whisper before I end the call. I sit on the couch for a few extra moments before turning my head towards the clock. Shit. I'm going to be late again. I jump off the couch and mentally thank myself for taking a shower the night before instead of waiting until this morning. I'm surprised with myself for being out the door in just over 30 minutes. I wrap my arms around me as I'm blasted with the cold winter air and I begin to quickly walk to the subway. Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but I can feel it. Something is just off and I have no idea what it is. I shrug it off like no big deal and make my way into the midst of people already standing on the train.

10 minutes later I'm across the street from the psychiatrist and that's when I see him, that's when I see Noah. I call out his name and he goes out of my line of sight for a split second as a truck passes in front of him and then he's gone. It's like he vanished into thin air. The first two years after he died I would see him everywhere but deep down inside I knew it was just my imagination. But this time, this time it was different. I could feel his presence, I could sense those striking green eyes staking out the area before he made his way to wherever he was going, and I could almost see his bright smile with his slightly crooked front teeth and the gap he always hated between his two bottom ones. This time I knew for a fact it was really him and that I had lost him once again.

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So I decided to go ahead and publish this first part of my new book. If you're coming from my other book Colors I hope you enjoy this one too! And if you aren't you should definitely check it out. Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoy this first chapter. Love you all<3 :)

Stay beautiful, Stay weird, Stay amazing

~Annalise