Letting go (REVISED)

Chapter eight

As I put the last of the groceries away, I grab a notepad from the bench and write a note for Coop.

Sorry it took me so long, the fridge is full.
Please eat.
I got you frozen dinners too
8 minutes on high won't kill you.

P.S I didn't stop for liquor.
Thank you for the wake up call.
I love that you still look out for me
Even though I fail as a human.

Iz.

Now what?

I grab a bag of chips to keep my shaking hands busy, grab my phone and turn Netflix on in my room.
I don't really want to watch anything but the house is too quiet. I look to my phone to see if there is anything I have missed while I have been under my rock.

As always Cooper's smiling face greets me when the screen lights up. This was hands down the best day of my life.
I miss this face, this is his happy face.

Releasing a sigh I swipe the screen and Cooper disappears, I see an obscene amount of unread emails and I know I don't have the energy for them. Twenty seven unread text messages, I scroll through and most of them are co-workers wishing me well after my accident.
My friends have been texting, asking why I haven't been out.
Leah tells me I better be shacked up with my new man getting loved up or I am in serious trouble.

She has no idea how much I wish that was true.

One is from unknown and I hesitate to open it. As it loads, photos pop up on my screen.
I want to throw my phone against the wall, I want to vomit.

They are from her.

They are of me, unconscious and bound. The gash on my head was worse than I thought it was, I look dead, I'm on the sofa where she got me, then I'm on the stairs and yes bitch dragged me down by the feet. Then I'm in the basement, I can't believe she would photograph this, least of all send them to me.

My heart is racing and a sheen of sweat covers my face although I feel cold, my mouth is dry and my hands are clammy.
It feels like I'm back there and I can hear her laughter, I can smell the putrid scent of her.
I race for the bathroom and heave my breakfast into the toilet. I need to get out of the house, I need to run.

Without really thinking about it I end up at my new local, the shitty bar on high street three blocks over from Coops. I don't think twice and go straight for the bar.
The girls that work here are bitches and charge me double, I don't care I just want to be drunk. I skip the shots and just buy the bottle and head for my usual table in the corner.

Half way through the bottle the job is done.
I'm feeling numb again.

I want to dance and I take my bottle with me, this is the type of place where you don't leave drinks unattended. The bitches are snickering and laughing but I put them out of my mind and ignore them, this is a pity party for one.

I see a businessman at the end of the bar and I approach him with a sinking stomach, a little exchange of currency later and I head for the bathrooms.

Yes, this is what I need.

I close the stall and take a seat and just look at the baggie.

I shouldn't do this.... I want to do this.

Way back in high school I got in with a few bad friends and made a few bad habits. Cooper tried really hard to break my habit and eventually got through to me. If he could see me now he would be very disappointed in me, in fact it may break his heart.

His mother died of an overdose.
He has never forgiven himself for not saving her.

I pull out my phone and look at his face. Tears come fast and easy, if I called him now he would come to me and save me from myself.

I'm broken from my thoughts when a group of bitches enter the bathroom, I keep still and quiet.

"See that chick, she has lost it" one laughs
"Not so high n mighty now eh?"
"No big bad boyfriend looking out for her, she will be lucky if she doesn't get hurt round here" more laughter.
"Angela really did a number on her that's for sure, bet she can't stand to see them together after what Ange did to the little bitch"
"I know Paul can't stand she's with him"
"Remember when we busted Ange and Paul getting freaky here on the counter, man they were wasted! Didn't even notice they weren't alone"
"She would've had to be wasted to get with him like that, I mean there's a machine right on the wall that has condoms, everyone knows Paul's not clean"

"I heard it was the night that big guy broke up with her, left her for that skinny runt that was here tonight"
"Wonder when Angela will be back? She will get a kick outta hearing how fucked up she was tonight"
"She always comes home around two, she stays in the room next to mine upstairs"
"Wait... which side, six or eight? I used to stay in six when I was Paul's favourite girl"
"Yeah six, it hadn't been cleaned since you left either"

They leave giggling and falling on each other.

Oh my fucking god!

She got sick after they broke up, I need to tell Coop.
Wait... I need to get a look at her room.

I keep out of the light as I head for the staircase upstairs. I see room six and try my luck, it's locked. I stretch up and run my hand over the door frame and find the key.
Inside is filthy, ashtrays are overflowing and there is trash on the floor. I look for papers, anything to prove her lies.
I find paternity papers with the same lab as the papers Cooper got, but they look different, the name on the top is different too.
I put it in my pocket.

I also find a photo of her with Cooper, it's a selfie she has taken. She is smiling at the camera and Cooper is looking left away from her, he has a small smile on his face. I know this smile, it's the one he has for me. I smile and drop it, this she can keep so she knows he's mine.

As I get back down to the bar one bitch notices me. She taps the arms of the others but I keep walking to the exit, the bitches follow me.

Fuck.
I don't have time for this.