"Guidance Counselor"

Depression, Addictions and Love

Well, yeah.
Im gonna tell you guys a story about something that is Depression related, but it also had addictions as well, it is sad, so and if you cant handle that, please do not continue. Thank you.

Here weeee goooooo!!!

~A couple of months ago~
It was just another shitty day, in my life, me being the way I am, hadnt helped much either. What I mean by me being the way I am, is that im a girl, who looks,dresses,acts, and talks like a boy, basically a guy stuck in a girls body, and I cant do much about it, im more comfortable with being open about it, but people weren't the nicest, to them i was"fat" and "ugly" plus many other things, of course I dont believe those things now, but I did then and thats what lead my life to going from bad to worse, I hadnt really cared anymore, you know? I thought everyone was just using me, and they were going to leave me anyways, so I stopped being so nice, I put my walls up, and shut people out, I started to become the "mute" to people who werent my friends, and I had very few friends, in fact, after 8th grade, I lost a lot of friends, the basic assholes that I had called friends, just walked on out of my life, never to be seen again, I mean other than in school, I never saw anyone anyways, I didnt want to hang out, leave me alone, then I met this guy, Harrison, hes a good guy, or at least i thought he was, he was nice, fun, funny, and I loved being around him. He was almost always in a good mood, then he got me into bad habbits, like smoking, and drinking, horrible things to get addicted to, but it helped me, like seriously, if I didnt have a cigarette, id kill someone, he was always able to calm me down, Ipp got caught once, shit, that was horrible, but let me tell you, im a great liar, so Ha! I hate myself for doing it, but I dont regret it, im proud that I did that, cause had I not, id most likely be dead, I had serious trust issues, and still do, because my grandpa died and he was my rock, so I've been through shit, I've seen hell, I've met the devil himself, I've had near death experiences, I've tried to commit suicide, and all of it was because of stress, and not feelings welcome anymore, and love. LOVE dear lord, how I hate that word, its insane, I thought love was the best thing ever, until I finally experienced it, she killed me without a weapon, no abuse, nothing, she just killed me, she ruined my life, but I still loved her to death, her name was Ayreial, such a pretty name for a pretty girl, right? No. She might be pretty, but she could ruin your life, within a matter of seconds, just a couple of words and you're done for, no more, kapeesh, gone, zip, notta, nothing, and she didnt care one bit that she killed me, she had no idea, that I was dying while she was laughing, I was crying while she was flying, she was on top and I sat on my ass, because she ruined my life, and tore apart my soul, she loved hurting me, but I loved that she talked to me, it didnt matter what she was doing, I was madly in love with her, I didnt care what she did, as long as she would still talk to me, I was okay with it, I didnt care. She was the one, I thought. Boy was I wrong, she changed me, a lot, the trust issues had come back, everything fell apart again, all of the walls that I built up, were torn down and burning, but I couldnt change that, I loved everything about her, I loved her eyes, smile, laugh, voice, I was in love with MY bully. An boy did that hurt like a bitch, sure did, but i'm that person that will NOT ever cry in-front of another human being, it makes me look weak, I cant risk that, being vulnerable in-front of someone, no thanks, But you're probably wondering "why are you scared of being vulnerable in-front of people?" Because well, that means its easier to take advantage of me, so I will not cry in-front of people, in fact, i try to NEVER cry about anything, and that helps, it makes me feel like im stronger, and better than those tears, i dont need to cry, theres no use, if nobody hears them, or sees them, then whats the point in it? It's only going to give the haters more to hate, and thats pointless, sense they are stupid buttholes anyways. Point of this is, well, I dont really know what the point of telling you about my horrible love experience, but i just guess i needed to get it off of my chest, and god knows I will never tell anyone else about this, haha.
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A/N- Heyy!! 6 veiws already, thats great, haha! Thank you to all of you that have been reading, it means a lot to me, so thank you so much. Love ya😘😘

-Anonymous