If I Should Dream Before I Wake(Sample)

Chapter 2

2

-Tessa-

I swiveled my head from side to side, trying to figure out where I was, even though some part of me already knew. In my dreams I always found myself back at the same place. The tightening in my throat told me I was there again. All I could dream about was the lake. The only night I ever lived was the night my parents died. Even my dreams offered no escape.

The dream never began the same way, but it always had the same ending. This time I started off sitting on the porch of our lake house, wrapped in my grandma's blue quilt, a mug of hot cider resting precariously on one knee. I leaned back and realized I was in a rocking chair, the gentle swaying back and forth reminding me of waves rolling onto shore. I tightened my arms around my knees, hugging them to me with enough strength to hurt. Perhaps if I hugged them tightly enough I would feel safe. Perhaps then I would finally be able to dream of something else, to be someplace else, to feel something else. If I had to choose one place that had always felt safe it would be this house. Still, my mind felt fuzzy around the edges. I knew there was some reason I shouldn't be here, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't remember what it was.

A dark bird shot across the sky, pulling me from my thoughts. Its dissonant cries shattered the peaceful surroundings, startling me enough that my mug of cider clattered noisily to the porch floor. The bird circled, continuing its harsh call as it swooped overhead. There was something mesmerizing about the way it moved, the way it called. Somehow I felt as if the bird were calling to me, beckoning me to follow it over the beach and away from the house. I stepped cautiously off the porch and glanced up towards the sky, seeing if the bird noticed my movement. I had never seen a raven at the lake before, and its dark presence seemed out of place along the muted landscape, almost intrusive.

Ravens had never struck me as particularly beautiful, yet this one soared with such strength and dignity that I smiled at the bird, feeling as if we shared an intimate secret. The bird itself seemed to smile back at me as it flapped its wings. A large gust of wind blew through the clouds, sending the bird up the side of a dune about one hundred yards from the house. I ran as fast as I could behind it, trying my best to keep up. I didn't want to lose the bird. Always before I was alone in my dream, and something in me welcomed the addition of the dark scavenger.

Breathlessly, I scrambled up the dune only to find that once I reached the top the raven had disappeared. Feeling the familiar panic of loneliness rising in my chest I searched earnestly for a dark outline in the sky. But no matter how I stretched and squinted it was no use. The raven was gone.

I turned back towards the lake house, hoping that perhaps the bird had returned to the porch and was waiting for me. My heart sank as I rose over the dune to the same dull silence that had become so familiar. There was something powerful about the sadness I felt knowing I'd lost the raven. I was used to being alone, even invited solitude most of the time. But strangely, the raven had made me feel safe, and the sudden absence of him weighed heavy on my heart. I crossed my arms across my chest and hugged myself tightly. Raising my head to breathe deeply from the soothing lake air, I saw smoke pouring from the house. An all too familiar scream leapt to my lips. Flames danced along the outline of the house, rapidly swallowing the support beams, the frame, the shingles, and taking everything that was solid and sure in my life with them. I knew my parents were inside, so I ran recklessly back to the house, frantic to find them. My legs pounded against the sandy ground. But when I looked down and saw the sand high above my knees I knew my efforts were meaningless. No matter how fast I ran I couldn't get anywhere. I continued to struggle against the sand, even raking my hands around my legs in an effort to free them. Nothing worked. The sand remained where it was, a shifting cage that repelled every move I made to free myself from it. I sank to the ground in defeat. Racking sobs replaced the raven's cries in the air as my grief rose and swallowed my heart as fully as the sand that gripped my legs. The sky turned from blue to black. All I could do was to sit and watch, and hope my parents would make it out alive.