SAM

Back home

A week later they packed the carriages and where about to leave when Sam turned and looked back at her house. A feeling of sadness invaded her, suddenly she didn't want to leave the comfort of her home to travel days south to meet her brother-in-law and his wife.

Bryan caught her sullen look and hugged her. "What's wrong?" Bryan inquired gently taking her chin in his hand.

"I want to stay home. I feel a sadness, like if things will never be the same if we leave now." Sam's face reflected that profound sadness that wrapped her.

"Why do you feel like that? I am sure everything is going to be just fine." Bryan replied more hopeful than sure. He had felt the strange sadness too, somehow this trip would determine so many things in his life. He was going back home with a wife and children. Bryan hoped it wasn't a mistake.

Lou walked up to them to bid them farewell, he would miss the couple, they were not only good bosses they were good friends. "See you in a couple of weeks!" Lou waved as the carriages started.

Sam turned to look back until she couldn't see the house anymore, turning she crawled into Bryan's lap under the stern frown of Ann who was traveling with them to help with the babies. Bryan stared Ann down knowing Sam was feeling frightened and holding her to him he stroke her hair and neck gently, waiting for her body to relax.

"Let's go back home," she pleaded whispering in his ears.

Bryan held her tighter, he wanted to say something to instill courage in her but couldn't, having that doomed feeling wrap him too. Maybe this had been a mistake. They should have stayed home and let Steve and Jane visit them in their own time. "We can't" he whispered back, kissing her temple.

Ann looked out the window feeling uncomfortable at having to witness their love so openly. She swore that at the next stop she would ask Mr. and Mrs. Terrence to let her travel with them. Ann had felt Samantha's fear in leaving the house and facing her husband's family alone. Ann had reminded her that she had the majority on her side since three of the members of the family where in love with her. Sam had smiled unconvinced but feeling better.

"Sam try to sleep, you'll feel better if you rest a little." Bryan whispered to her hugging her closer. Sam shook her head and got off his lap sitting by his side, she was feeling restless and wanted to walk or ride or move. The feeling of being trapped into something overcame her and she swallowed trying to fight the rise of anguish in her body. Bryan watched her carefully, something was not right with her. Don had explained to him that sometimes when women weaned the babies they had mood swings since it was like a separation of sorts for them.

Sam had wanted to keep them at her breast but Don was worried that she looked real thin and tired and that there wasn't enough milk for both babies. Sam had reluctantly accepted they be fed goat milk but she refused to stop breast feeding them in the evening before they went to sleep and in the morning when they got up. Don had acceded to that arrangement knowing well that as soon as the boys started drinking the other milk her milk supply would go down and disappear as they requested less from her. He warned her that they could refuse her breast at some point as a natural thing. For a couple of weeks they had happily laid in their mother's arms nursing but soon they wouldn't nurse and finally they would cry in frustration when she wouldn't feed them with the bottle. Bryan had watched Sam sadden as Ann took the baby from her arms to feed it. Bryan was feeding the other and had to wait until the baby was finished before he could go look for Sam, who had left the room.

Bryan found her in the nursery rocking as she cried quietly. Bryan approached her and carried her in his arms placing her on the small bed and hugging her to him.