Finding Family

Chapter 9

 There was nothing in the world that compared to the feeling as Spartan launched off the ground and we cleared a gate, turned mid-air and landed smoothly on the dirt. As I walked to the stadium to collect my first place ribbon, I looked out into the audience. I saw Ben and Nate standing and cheering for me. My smile grew bigger than my cheeks. I won, a lot, but only Nate had ever cheered for me. I looked behind them to see if my parents were maybe there too. My smile shrank as I admitted what I already knew, they didn't come. I didn't even know why I continued to let it upset me. They haven't watched me compete since I was little. Even then they just talked on the phone the whole time. Their version of congratulations for winning was complaining about the smell of the stadium.

As you can imagine, my parents weren't the ones who taught me to love horses. In preschool, my best friend Annie rode horses. Her family owned a stable. I guess they felt bad for me or something, because they started to take me riding. I fell in love immediately. Annie and I would compete together. We pushed each other to be better. Her family was like my real family. My parents didn't like how close I got with Annie's parents, so they started to try to buy me my own riding gear as some sort of retaliation. When we were in 4th grade Annie was diagnosed with leukemia. I went to the hospital every day after school. I was there when she died. She had a seizure and I screamed for someone to help. My lasting memory of my best friend was her violently shaking in front of me. I didn't sleep for weeks. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her in pain. My parents didn't know how to help me, but Annie's did. They gave me Annie's horse Spartan. They told me to make Annie proud. I took my pain from my loss, and put it towards riding. For a little while Annie's parents came to watch me, but I would see her mom crying. Eventually her dad decided it was too much for them and they stopped. I wasn't mad, I knew how much pain they were in, I felt it too. Once Annie's parents stopped coming, my parents stopped feeling like they had fight for me and within a month they stopped watching me ride. Nate is the only one who continued to come watch me. He even comes with me to eat dinner at Annie's house every year on her birthday.

Riding is my only connection to the first person to understand me. I told Annie everything. We talked about how hard school was for me. She'd help me with my homework. I told her about wondering if my parents loved me. She said that she and Nate loved me enough to make up for them. Annie was the better one. The kind one. The loved one. She should have been the one to live. Today she'd be 15 like me. Sometimes I wonder if we would still be so close. Maybe she would be my roommate, and I never would have met Rory. My whole life would be different. I wonder if I'd be friends with Ben, and still so close with Nate.

"Amy, are you alright?" Ben said looking at me with concern. I wondered how long I'd been staring off. I felt something on my cheek and quickly wiped the tear away.

"I'm okay."

"How about we get some ice cream? Celebrate our girls big victory." Ben said gleefully.

"Amy and I have somewhere we have to be, sorry Ben." Nate said.

"Maybe tomorrow." I added.

Before Ben could add anything we walked away, leaving him confused. Once we were in the car Nate asked "thinking about Annie?"

I nodded.

"I know today is hard, but it's almost over. I just want to apologize one more time for this morning. I... I don't even know what to say."

"Nate, I've forgiven you, it's time to forgive yourself." We drove the rest of the way in silence. We finally reached Annie's house. He held my hands as we walked to the door.

"Amy, Nathan, it's so good to see you." Annie's mom Rachel pulled me into a hug. Rachel has shoulder length blonde hair that always looks like a professional styled it. She wore a purple sweater, blue jeans, and boots. She was around forty, but looked older. Her grief had aged her face. She had wrinkles around her sad eyes, and tight smile. Annie was her only child, and Rachel was one of those people meant to be a mother. Without a child, Rachel seemed void of purpose. Mark was the opposite. He chose to embrace Annie's life rather than mourn her death. He creates riding scholarships in Annie's name. Helping other kids relieves some of his guilt about not being able to help his own daughter.