Heck of a kiss

Chapter Three

Two years ago

After the Funeral my family tried to resume its everyday life. Because Lesley couldn’t work, I moved in with her and became her keeper, working around the house and paying the bills. However, I knew that my pay as an intern for a Physical therapy company would not give me enough money to keep the roof over our head, food on the table, Lesley’s med, the clothes on our backs, and enough to feed the two horses. Asking Lesley to sell hers and Chad’s horse after losing him would have been a cruel thing to do.

So I did the one thing I knew how to do. In the space of six months, I took Chad’s place in the rodeo. Being a pick-up man was the one thing I knew how to do inside and out. When Jabe decided to become a bronco rider, the three of us had been in the pasture every moment we could. Jabe would mount up and hang on for 8 seconds, and then Chad and I would ride after him to loosen the strap and haul him off. Usually things went as planned, but sometimes Jabe was bucked off before 8 seconds and would land on the dirt, or sometimes the fence. Chad would go after the horse and I would sit still and laugh my head off.

These afternoons turned out to be the lifeline Lesley, Mila and I needed.

In the records, my name was Jed Cooper and ironically, when the officials saw me work, I was hired immediately. It never occurred to anyone to ask if I was a boy, so no did.

I wore Chad’s clothes, the baggy western shirt and protective vest hid any curves that I had on top. Unfortunately, my butt was harder to hide, men’s clothes notwithstanding. When I wore the chaps, they hid the shape of my leg and so I settled with making sure to stand with my back to a wall so no one could see my bum. Stuffing my hair down the back of my shirt and wearing a hat took care of that, and I always made sure to change in my trailer. Authentic or not, I had no desire to be shown a bunch of fat (or skinny) cowboy butts.

Although she didn’t like the thought of me working two jobs, Lesley soon realized that we needed the money. She hated that she wasn’t able to work and she fell into a minor depression before she found out she could work on the computer.

Life fell into a steady routine and then Jabe and I broke up.

Without Chad there to play referee, we both realized we didn’t know who the other person was without him. On one evening everything came to a head. I was off that day so I went to one of his rodeos to watch him. Although we both had been busy, we made sure to see each other at least once a month.

I was helping him out of his equipment and he asked me how I was doing. I told him about working two jobs although I didn’t tell him what they were. Immediately, he began berating me, telling me that it wasn’t my job to take complete responsibility for Lesley. He said I needed to think about myself and not run myself into the ground.

Hotly, I asked him; “What do think I should do, leave Lesley and Mila in the lurch? How is Lesley going to take care of herself, two horses and Mila alone? I promised Chad I would take care of them.”

Rolling his eyes, Jabe countered; “He never said you had to become her husband.”

I was holding his helmet when he said this and before I could think I threw it at him, hitting his chin and chest. “She doesn’t have a husband, thanks to you”I yelled then turned and began to walk away only to be stopped by Jabe’s scornful voice.

“How was it my fault?”

Whirling around I said acidly; “Because if you had been there, you could have distracted the bull.”

Jabe stood up and stalked toward me angrily. “So you would rather have me dead?”

Throwing control to the wind I spat back viciously. “At least then Lesley would still have her precious husband and I wouldn’t have to work so hard. Because face it, Chad was a better man by far. Someone like you could only dream of being like him.” Turning on my heel, I stomped away from an open-mouthed Jabe and some cowboys who stood looking at the ground awkwardly.

“Amy, please wait so we can talk about this.” Jabe called but I looked over my shoulder and said. “Don’t bother calling me, we’re done.”   

Flipping my hair over my shoulder, I pushed through the frozen cowboys and made it to my pickup before bursting into tears. Even while I was mad I knew that I had been unfair. Because of what I had said I now had gotten rid of the man who meant the world to me. The man who had stayed with me while I tried to put my life back together, the man that had once given almost a whole paycheck to a single mom who couldn’t pay the rent and would have been evicted.

Burying my head in my hands, I let the sobs rack my body and allowed all the emotion to flood out. Grief from losing Chad, as well as exhaustion from slowly working my life away.

Experts often say don’t make a big decision at night and then carry it out. Naturally, your body’s adrenaline is lower and you won’t think things through completely. In this case, they were absolutely right. I had made a decision that would hurt me for the rest of my life. Shakily I started the truck and drove out of the parking lot, not daring to look back and see if Jabe were watching me go.

When I got home, I told Lesley what had happened and she hugged me while I cried again. I didn’t tell her what we argued about, only that we were over. She didn’t ask questions, just held my hand and prayed. Eventually I was able to stop the tears and we both went to bed.

Lying in bed, I began to replay every wonderful memory we had together. Our first kiss, which had been both mine, and his.

It hadn’t been long and passionate, in fact, some people would have considered it pathetic really a peck more than a real kiss but it had meant the world to me. Of course after the first there had been other longer kisses, but that one had stayed with me.

Closing my eyes against the threat of more tears I tried to concentrate on memories that didn’t involve Jabe. Unfortunately there weren’t any. Even on graduation he had been there, that had been the day of the kiss. My parents had told us we couldn’t date until graduation so after the ceremony we made it official with that kiss. Of course it all had been purely logical and not at all due to the fact that he was the handsomest man I had ever seen, with his baby blue eyes, sandy blond hair and muscular frame. He was a blond demigod and I had jumped at the chance to be his girlfriend after years of having a crush on him.

       Groaning I rolled over and prayed that God would let me sleep.

Mercifully, he did.