Hansel and Gretel: The Witch's Tale

A/N I wrote this for a creative writing assignment back in undergraduate school. I'm not really good at short stories from scratch so I asked if I could rewrite a fairytale, my professor said yes and this is what I came up with. :)

Everyone has heard of Hansel and Gretel; the story of the two little children, whose parents abandoned them in the middle of the woods and their unfortunate run-in with a witch who tried to eat them. I tell you, it's a conspiracy. I was never the one to blame; those two twisted the story to make it sound like they were the victims. But it was me; I was the one who almost died in my own oven. I was the one who suffered third degree burns and I have the scars to prove it. And it is I who is still suffering after several months of recovery and therapy. And don't even get me started on the hospital bills. I thought it was all over once I had gotten out of the hospital, but then I read that dratted story in the paper. And I was not very happy about what it contained.

I was a kind lady who minded her own business, thank you very much. And I hated the fact that those little brats had spread all those horrendous rumors about what happened; only to save their own skins! I wouldn't be here if it weren't for all those published stories and such that those two have conned the whole world into believing. Because they didn't have to go telling everyone what happened. It wasn't like it was anyone else's business; especially since it wasn't the real tale in the first place.

First of all, my name is Linda Johnson and I'm twenty-two years old; currently helping my parents with the family business. Making and packaging Gingerbread house kits to sell any time of the year. It sounds surprising, but you wouldn't believe the number of people who want those kits in the middle of July! Some people are a little strange… Anyway, I'm a normal person who does normal things. Oh, and just so we're clear: I am not a witch. I don't even know how that rumor even got started. I just live by myself in the middle of the woods… is that so very wrong of me? Last time I checked it wasn't a crime to live in the middle of the woods. Is it my fault that people think I'm a little strange because of the way I live and end up making rumors about me because of it?

I chose to live in the middle of the woods for two reasons: privacy and silence. When I moved out of my parent's house five years ago, I wanted a nice quiet place to call home. Well, I wasn't going to get that in the huge, bustling city that I had grown up in, now was I? So, the woods seemed the perfect place for me, at the time I had no idea that my little plan was going to cause so many problems.

Ever since I was a young girl, I've had this weird dream; a dream that involved me living in my very own edible house. I don't know why I had that idea in my head… I was always a fan of gingerbread houses when I was younger, so I think that might have had something to do with it. That dream initially led me to buying the few acres of land in the middle of the forest near a little town since I knew that there would be less of a chance that I would be bothered.

It took several weeks for me to build my little cottage in the little clearing in the middle of the forest. Once it was complete, the house looked beautiful. It was a life size version of the gingerbread houses I used to build as a child every year around Christmas time. The outside was made entirely of huge slabs of brown baked gingerbread – I baked these in my parent's huge oven before I installed one in my own house. Each piece of gingerbread that made up the four walls were covered with giant gum drops, while the two slabs that came together to form the roof were dripping with a thick layer of hardened icing covered with hundreds of sprinkles. The windows were made of nothing but sugar. There were also a few candy canes scattered about the yard as well. I loved my little gingerbread house, it was different. I mean, anybody could make a house out of normal wood or metal, but a house built entirely of gingerbread was so very original.