Little Winston | Happy Lowman

6. Thats Your Family

I've been through a lot of pain in my life but nothing will ever compare to the pain I felt when I had to tell Ellie and Kenny what happened to their father. That familiar gut-wrenching feeling appeared once again as Skeeter arrived at TM and the boys pulled Opie's casket out. My heart ached and I couldn't control my sobs as I followed the boys. The clubhouse was packed. It was a sea of reapers. I was surrounded by people I've known for my entire life and yet the disconnect I felt, I may as well been surrounded by strangers. All eyes were on me as the casket was placed onto the table and the lid was removed. I slowly walked, bracing myself for what I was about to see. He wasn't in that Blue jumpsuit anymore. His Kutte sat proudly on his chest. His hair was pulled back, the wound on his forehead on full display. I stood for a second looking down at my lifeless brother, as silent tears drenched my face before turning into full-blown sobs. 

"Let's go, let's give her a minute" Bobby says ushering the club members out the door. As each member passed, they placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and offered their sorrows and condolences. Jax was the last to leave and pulled me into a hug. "Take as much time as you need" he says and kisses my forehead. "What do I do Jax?" I look up at the older blonde, his face almost mirrored mine, racked in sadness. "I can't raise two kids by myself" I sobbed and he quickly shut the door.  "Just like every single mom. You get help, friends, family" I almost scoffed at his words. "My mom can't take care of those kids Jax, you know that" I cry. "Let me show you something" He grabs my hand leading me towards the window. "You see that" He points to the room full of people standing outside waiting to pay their respects. "That's your family, anything you need you just ask, anyone says no well they can answer to me" Jax says. He had really stepped into his role as president of the club. "Thank you" my voice was barley audible but Jax nodded before stepping out into the bar, leaving me alone with the casket.

I looked at the casket once more, taking in the detail of the reaper on the lid. It represented so much. The final resting place of my big brother, for one. But also it felt like the last conscious piece of me was sitting in the box. Ope was the only one who really understood me, the choices I made. Sure he hated the decisions I made. But I hated the ones he made just as much. But he was my blood. Dad would never describe us as perfect siblings. But Opie was always there when I needed him. And now I was alone, left with the numbness. "I love you" I say, tucking his black beanie under his arm and leaning down to kiss his forehead. 

The service wasn't long, I watched as the club members said goodbye. Jax leaving an old photo of the three of us as kids. Tig tucked a bottle of Tequila next to his shoulder reminding him to have a drink with Piney for all of us. Chibs said a prayer with his cross before placing it on Opie's chest. I got up from my seat at the bar and grabbed Ellie and Kenny's hands leading them towards the casket. I stood back letting them say goodbye to their father. Happy joined my side. "You okay little one?" he asks pulling me into his chest. "Gotta be, at least for them" I sniffle. "Will you stay with me tonight?" I ask, lifting my head off his chest. "Of course darling" he replies.

We left before the post funeral party started, the kids were emotionally drained and they needed to get to bed. I lay awake cuddled into to Happy's side as he snores next to me. Memories of Opie danced around in my head and a rush of peace overcame me. He was with Donna now, he was away from this horrible life. My face was wet with tears as I cuddled further into Happy. Even in a deep sleep he held me tighter, keeping me safe.