verbosity

~ sleep all day club ~

okay, ever since I moved house at the end of last year I've had this biG inTENse fear of someone breaking in?? like bed is under a window, my room is at the front of the house and if someone broke into the house my room would be the first room they'd go into. but I reckon if I was asleep they wouldn't do anything to me bc I'm basically unconscious (like they'd look in my room and walk out?), butttt I'm awake bc I'm scared of someone breaking in while I'm awake but I can't fall asleep bc I'm too scared?? (if that makes sense?)

I'm so paranoid that it's come to the point where I'm seeing silhouettes of people in the corner of my eyes. like there's only two ways to get into my room, the window which is above me (my bed) and my door which is like five steps away from my bed. so I'm absolutely sure that no one is in my room yet I still check under my bed and in my cupboard for people??

it's also come to the point where I think I hear a gun reloading/cocking next to my house and I run to hide under my bed (I have no idea how I even think anyone would want to only target me?). sometimes (I think) i hear people tapping on my window or whispering my name.

I cANT FUKEN SLEEP, I'm scared of telling my dad bc he'll just say 'bilah. Come on, you're just tired, get off your phone' but if I tell my mum she'll baby me and make a big deal out of it. I feel better when someone is sleeping in the same room as me but I hate sleeping next to people, I even feel fine when my cat sleeps in my room (but he hates sleeping here).

so idk what to do??