Empty Sheets

(2) Taped Inside

I meet Rachel at our café and see that she's already ordered my latte for me...with my extra cup of milk to the side of course. I met her in college in a marketing class. It had been my first year, and she began to speak to me when she saw a picture of Geoff taped to the inside of my notebook.

"Crush?" she had asked.

A small smile fell across my lips as I shook my head. "Boyfriend." I spoke close to a whisper. "You can also call him a crush though."

"Really?" Rachel glanced toward the professor who spoke of six ways to use subtlety in advertising. She leaned toward me. "He looks just like this musician I saw in a magazine. I can't think of his name now." She paused. "How long have you known him?"

"A long time actually," I replied. "But we didn't start talking until high school."

"Wow, so you pretty much grew up together." Rachel smiled. "I always love these types of stories. My goal is to be a wedding planner one day. The histories of couples fascinate me so much. I get to see the step by steps, the peak moments within the relationship, and the reasons why they may or may not be good for each other. All those little things, you know?"

With another smile, I glanced down at Geoff's picture and brushed my fingers along it. At that moment, I realized how much I missed him. Missing him strengthened my desire to be with him.

Of course, thinking back on that now, I.... Well...let's not steer away from my meeting with Rachel.

She smiles when she sees me. "Corinna..." She gets up so that we can exchange cheek kisses. "...I'm surprised you had time today. You've been the busy woman, haven't you?"

I nod and take my seat. "Yeah. I also haven't wanted to go out much. Kind of silly since I should be doing distracting things huh?" I chuckle just to punctuate my thought. Rachel's silence allows me to go on. "I've been getting a lot of time for myself lately. I haven't had that in a while. I guess I could take advantage of this me-time."

"Was Geoff home when you left?" She sips her coffee.

"No," I answer, taking her sip as a reminder to start on my own drink. "He left early in the morning. Another rose on the pillow." Thinking about that brings back my annoyance.

Rachel smiles broadly, and I can tell she wants to say something.

I don't let her.

"It's not as sweet as you think. He just wants to get my attention so we can talk it over and waste more time in trying to make it work."

Rachel lowers her eyebrows. "Corinna...I might not have seen much of you guys as a couple, but what's wrong with that?"

"Do you think this is the first time he's tried to fix things? We both have tried only to end up tired of trying. It's like we both don't want to put the effort. He'll keep this rose thing up for a week or two, and then end up focusing more on how much praise his next piece is getting." I shake my head and clench my fists to prevent the annoyance from becoming stronger. "He's too comfortable here, writing for commercials and all types of advertisements. He's used to coming home late and having his meals ready. He's used to coming to me for help on his writing decisions. The thing is: I've told him on numerous occasions how mundane I feel all this is. I told him we've become strangers living in the same place. 'It's your job,' he tells me. 'You're stressed. We'll take a vacation soon.' His version of a vacation was dinner at a high end restaurant. It was nice, but..." I sigh and look toward my latte. I just ranted. What the hell?

"...there was no spark," Rachel finishes for me.

I glance at her. "We even tried to pretend to have fun. He read the menu in a horrible French accent, we made fun of the waiter, but...in the end, we had a silent car ride and went to bed right after." I pause and drink more. "Sometimes that flame that fueled your relationship just dies out. Ours was due to extinguish eventually. You can't keep trying to pretend that you can reignite something that long ago vanished."

Rachel shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Corinna. I didn't know it had turned into all of this."

"It's okay. You know what the funny thing is?" I smile. "I'm thinking of moving to Chicago with my mother--"

"Chicago? You think you can be an editor there? You said you always wanted to stay here."

I shrug. "Every city has some sort of fashion magazine I suppose. Besides..." I briefly hesitate before continuing. "...Charles is there. I told you about him right?"

Rachel's eyes widen. "No." She leaned forward. "Corinna, are you serious? You didn't tell me about any Charles! Who is he?"

I chuckle. "He used to be a male model I worked with while I studied fashion here. He reminded me a lot of Taylor in high school. You remember him."

"Yeah, I think you told me briefly. The one you almost went out with."

I nod again, this time with a sigh. Then I stir a little more milk into the latte. It's at this point when my mind takes me back to those high school days.