I Am Ready

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Phil has almost finished his final YouTube video - not that he knows it's his last, of course. Everything is set up and ready, my heart is thumping rapidly against my chest with anticipation and adrenaline rushing through my veins. 15 more minutes. I tell myself. It's so close. I can feel butterflies flapping against my stomach, I can't wait. I can't wait. I can hear him finishing his video, so I pick up the heavy-headed hammer in my right hand, and wait outside his room. I know his routine - he will finish the video, have a quick scroll through the clips, then leave to tell me about his upcoming video. What a twat. Why would I care? These past years have been difficult, trying to act normal: sympathetic, affectionate, empathetic - even in love. But the act is almost over. I can hear him getting up and chatting, almost in a bubbly voice, to himself. I can hear him putting his hand on the door handle; my time has come.

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