You'll be okay(phan) - Chapter 1

You'll be okay(phan) - Chapter 2

A/N: sorry it's been forever I have zero motivation lol and I pulled a Chris
Also this is really rusted cos I haven't written for ages

Day 1
Jack began to show me round the place, but I didn't hear a single word. Whilst he was telling me what was what and who was who, all I could think of was questions. How long would I be here? Had I lost my freedom? Was I going to be locked in a room for 12 hours a day? My mind wouldn't stop buzzing and in the end I had to hold my head in my hands just to numb the thoughts.

'Everything okay?' Jack asked. He was trying hard to be casual, but you could see the concern creeping through his features. Great. Five minutes in and I'd already proved why I was there.

Quickly shaking myself out of it, I lowered my hands and tried to adopt his laid-back attitude.

'Nothing, just a bit of a headache,' I replied, which wasn't exactly a lie; if you had fifty different voices in your head at one time you'd feel pretty achy too.

'Look, I know it's a lot to take in on your first day, but it'll feel like home sooner than you think,' Jack encouraged.

I nodded but I couldn't have felt more out of place. Home? Why the hell would I call this thing a home? How long would I be trapped here for? Trapped. My own head had landed me in not only mental but physical hell.

We walked on again, this time past the counsellors' rooms. Boy did I know them too well.

Almost all of them were empty, except the end room. A woman sat opposite a boy that looked similar to my age, if not slightly older. I will admit I always like to see how people react to counselling. It's either crying about emotions or sitting there avoiding all conversation. However, this boy seemed to be handling it well, better than me anyway, as they seemed to be having an easy exchange. He had black hair with pale skin, giving the impression that he'd just stepped out of a Twilight book. Sensing someone's eyes on him, he turned towards the small window, drinking in the appearance of the newcomer. I gazed, embarrassed to be caught staring but not really feeling the need to look away. His eyes, like his hair, were a conflicting contrast to his skin, as they gleamed a bright blue. He gave me a gentle smile, but being the awkward human that I am, I quickly looked away and followed Jack. Count that as the second person to consider me a freak.

When we finally finished the tour, it was announced that dinner had been prepared for everyone. Jack led me to the communal dining room and retrieved some food for us. I cringed at the idea of eating, and although Jack heartily munched through his meal, I simply stared at my plate, my stomach feeling sick just looking at the display.

After Jack attempting to make me eat, he eventually sighed and gave up. As long as I ate tomorrow they wouldn't need a cause for concern. Wow, apparently everything was monitored here.

I returned to where Jack had earlier shown me my "bedroom", and after he had made sure I was safe in the room, left me in peace.

I'd always been a closed kind of person, and I found it easier to bottle it up inside of me. However, as soon as I sat in the bed and the footsteps receded, my eyes spiller over and I struggled to hold in a loud sob. Over the years I'd become skilled at crying silently, when I could cry that was. Now I was more alone than ever, and I couldn't do anything about it. My shoulders shook as I tried to stop myself from trembling without success. Why couldn't I just be dead, nothing worked out for me and this wasn't going to solve anything.

When I was at home I would numb the pain with a cold blade of metal that calmed my thoughts as the scarlet liquid drizzled down my arm. Although, here you weren't allowed anything sharp, and the idea almost made me insane. I began frantically scrabbling around for something to hurt myself with; a drawing pin, a pencil sharpener, a freaking paper clip. Yet it seemed that this place had beaten me to it, as there was nothing I could use. I pinched myself and scratched, and although the pain helped it wasn't the same. Why was I even addicted to a piece of metal?

I threw myself on the bed, tears still sliding down my face. I didn't even bother to change into the PJ's my mother had sent. I simply lay there, looking at the ceiling and letting the tears just fall. I scratched a line on the wall next to me. One day down. Who knows how many more to go? I stared until I felt my eyes grow tired and I eventually fell into a restless sleep.