My Teacher is a Tanuki

章十六 Sixteen

I visited my therapist, doctor Oshiro the following day, and we talked about the good news of my getting a job.

"So how did this accomplishment make you feel Shouta?" He asks me in his nondescript therapist tone.

"I was really nervous at first, but then I found someone who shared something in common with me which made me feel much better about the whole thing." I say.

"I see." Doctor Oshiro says with a smile. "Sometimes all it takes is that one person. But tell me Shouta, after this "mutual feelings" moment, do you yourself feel any more different pertaining to your insecurities?"

I thought a moment. "I don't know...maybe...but...not yet really I guess...I do feel somewhat more at peace though..."

"At peace? Can you elaborate on that?" Doctor Oshiro asks, sounding intrigued.

I'm silent for a long while as I try to find the words to explain exactly what I felt. "I guess the simplest way to explain this feeling is that I feel almost as if I have some sort of purpose now and that I'm no longer so lost..."

At Mori Kouen I told Ponchi about the news of me getting a job, and about how I would now be able to buy gifts for Hiyori.

"Oooh, does that mean you'll be able to bring me burgers and stuff...?" Ponchi asked hopefully, licking his lips at the prospect of a big, juicy, human-made steak-burger.

I sigh, shaking my head. "We'll see..." I merely offer, not promising anything. Even I could tell that all that human food I was giving Ponchi was making him look stockier than when I had first met him.

My entire summer break consisted of working as an assistant at the Sakamoto Animal Clinic for either doctor Saburou Sakamoto or doctor Ayako Sakamoto. I learned a lot about animals there, as well as medicines and medical supplies. Living in an apartment complex, I was never allowed to have any pets of my own, but working at the animal clinic gave me a lot of time to spend with both cats and dogs when they were put up either for overnight surveillance, or while their owners were traveling. It was nice, I really liked animals, and getting to walk and play with the dogs and cats was fun.

The rest of my time was devoted to my writing and training with Ponchi. Unfortunately the latter was canceled a lot due to a particularly strong rainy season this year, so I mainly spent my off time just writing in my journals and notebooks. I also wondered if the newspaper club had gotten my anonymous entry for the Morinzawa high school newspaper. I wouldn't be finding out until I came back to school after the summer break had ended, but it plagued my mind day and night. So much so, that I just started writing many little abstract poetry stories, all with a similar theme; a tanuki.

I found that these short little writings of mine closely mimicked the experiences that I had with Ponchi. From the time when I had first met him, all the way up to where I was now. Of course, they were very abstract and done with my own flair of style that made the actual real thing almost indistinguishable in the writing unless you had actually bore witness to the experience itself. But the tanuki is what stood out the most in them. They weren't very long; a couple of paragraphs maybe, but they told a small, sweet tale – at least in my eyes. Maybe mine would be the only ones that these little stories will be able to present themselves to, but I felt proud and happy from them nonetheless. They reminded me of all of the funny things Ponchi had said to me, as well as how happy that they had made me feel.

I also realized that soon, all this would be coming to an end.

There were a little less than two seasons left to this school year, and then I would be a daigakusei in a university somewhere. I wouldn't be able to visit Ponchi anymore.

This thought made me feel very lonely inside all of a sudden. It really had been thanks to Ponchi that I had been able to gain as much confidence as I did, and had I not met him, I might still be sitting and watching everything from afar; no job, and a goal that had no real possibility of coming true. With Ponchi, it felt like everything that I wanted to accomplish was very highly possible. Almost as if I could simply reach up to the topmost shelf and just pull it down and clutch it close to my heart.

The school year would end all that though.

I sat back in my chair at my desk, my eyes glued to the two kanji that spelled out the word "tanuki". It was almost an impossible thought for my brain to comprehend. It had only been a few months since I had met Ponchi – I mean, before I had ever met him I had never would have even guessed that talking tanuki existed!

A question kept bubbling up in my brain now, somber, cold, and unwanted. What will I do after this...?

                                                                                       秋

                                                                                 Autumn

The new, lively dream that slowly dies away. No longer was it capable of being the spritely thing it once had been, it was too worn. So many had sought it out, used it, demanded more from it, until too late was it unable to bear it any longer. Withering, fluttering, it dies out slow like a candle flame, breathing out its one last breath of life. None are around to witness it though.