Do you ever feel like you have nobody in the world? You have no one to talk to? No one who will listen to you or even care for that matter. And then there's always that one person who says they're always there for you, but in the end, they really aren't. You've tried and tried so hard to act like nothing is wrong, but once you're in bed at night, the thoughts haunt you and you realize that everything is wrong. Have you ever had all these demons inside of you that you can't run away from? And sometimes you just kind of wish you were... dead.
* * *
"Ariel, you're late again. What did I fucking tell you last night?"
"I was just at a friends house, Dad. Calm down." I head for the stairs but I'm stopped by a firm grasp on my arm. "Dad, let go."
"Don't give me attitude! God, you're just like your mother! You're both fucking bitches!" His breath smells of alcohol and cigarettes.
"Dad, you're drunk. Let go of me, please." Of course I was frightened. But I'm kind of used to this by now. The whole coming home late and get abused thing.
"Go clean up the kitchen." He orders, pushing me away from the staircase. "God, you make me sick. I'm going to bed. Kitchen better be clean when I get up." He wobbles up the stairs.
* * *
"..And Ariel, you'll be working with Harry." My head falls back, and my eyes roll. Harry is the nerdiest kid ever. Once you're a senior, it usually doesn't matter. But I've never seen anyone so geeky as him. His glasses are huge. He always puts gel in his hair. His shirts are always tucked in. The only thing not-nerdy about him is his deep voice. But he hardly even talks.
"Your projects will be due once you get back from winter break. So work with each other during that time." Everyone switched seats around, but I didn't want to move. Harry was in the corner, looking at me every other second. I rolled my eyes and got up and sat in one of the empty desks next to him.
"I'm Harry."
"Yeah. I already know that." He looks down nervously. "I'm Ariel."
"S-so what do you want to do the project on?" He asks, avoiding eye contact with me.
"You're the nerd, you tell me."
"Well I was thinking we can just do a documentary on each other.." I nodded, acting interested. The bell rings.
"Here's my number, we can meet up over break." He scribbles on a piece of notebook paper. "Have a good winter break." He smiles at me. I take my stuff and the paper and leave the classroom without any goodbyes or smiles.
* * *
I hold the icepack on my left cheek, where my dad had just connected his fist to. It felt swollen already. I can't wait until I'm out of high school. I'll finally get out of this place. This place I call hell.
I hate staying home. The longer I stay here, the more my dad hits me. I have to sneak out all the time. He's always too drunk, he never remembers how much he hurts me. My door slams open and there he is.
"Why the fuck are you crying? Get your ass up and go drive to the liquor store. I need more beers."
"I can't buy you beer, I'm still underage." He leans against the door frame and stares at me. What happened to my father? I miss the times he was nice to me and would take me to the park..or take me to visit my mother..
"God damn it, you're worthless. You are so fucking worthless, Ariel." The words rang through my ear once again. It's not the first time he's told me this. He opened his mouth to speak again but the door bell rang from down stairs. "Go get the fucking door." He walked off to his room as I went down stairs, the watery ice pack still on my cheek.
