No Good Person

Chapter 10: The unshurness

I have stayed in this fucking underground for so long already. It's been... three months since the building exploded. My wounds have healed for the most part. I don't even know what happened to that police officer... I hope he's alright. But what am I to do now? The number of times I have thought of running are uncountable but... yet I stay. The regret from that day doesn't stop persisting either. I guess my... self-preservation instinct is stronger than my morals. So this is all that my life has amounted to.

But something is different... Ragniel knew my grandfather-he is my uncle, or at least so he says. But... I think it's more than that. Something is going on here that I can't see yet. And now that I really try to think on it, I can't really remember my grandfather. I remember his play, though...

Regardless... would it matter if I knew the truth? The present is merely how it is now. All I can do is push on. The past couldn't be changed even if I wished for it too.

I slid on my jacket from the small counter near my bed. I walked outside of my room into the hallway from my first encounter with Ragniel.

I walked to the meeting room, the room next to mine.

Nobodies inside...

I walked in and sat at the furthermost back table. I sat down carefully as I looked at my bandaged hands. I don't think they are ever going to heal...

"Hey..."

I looked to the doorway to see Shira as she walked inside the meeting room.

"What is it?"
Shira looked at me with narrow eyes.

"Nothing... just checking on you..."
Her eyes turned softer as she showed more concern.

"You haven't spoken to anyone for weeks..."
I sighed.

"So what? Do you think I... no... what's the point in arguing? Say... do you know, how many times I have had a pistol pulled to someone's back around here?"

Shira looked at me in shock, and some concern.

"W-What?"
I pulled out my pistol from my back pocket and slammed it onto the table.

"You heard me... every time I had to help load, or had to go check on something with another 'member'
I had my pistol pulled on them without them ever noticing. I thought to myself that if I just shot them in the back I could escape, but you know what? It would be pointless. I am already wanted for the deaths of hundreds, so another murder would hardy affect me anymore, but you know what? Another murder won't forgive the last one. And the person who could have helped me is probably dead."
Shira sat across from me.

"Hey, I don't think you're ok-"
You don't think?

You don't... think...?

"Heh, heh.... Hehehehe....."

I held my hand over my face.

"You don't think I'm ok? Do I look ok, to you? I feel as if I am slowly losing my mind-and you lot aren't helping me. How could you...? You are the reason I'm even in this... no... I am the reason I am even in this. There is no point in casting blame where there should not be. I chose this-and as the Valiant are... I... I will not justify my actions for myself... I will justify it on my actions."

Shira reached out her hand.

"Aren... look I know that-"
I picked up my pistol and aimed it at Shira for a second, before I put it against my head.

Shira stood up quickly.

"H-Hey! Aren come on, just put it down ok?!"
I shook my head.

"What for? What fucking for...?"
Shira stepped closer towards me.

"Please just, put it down..."

I cocked the hammer of the gun back as she grew close.

"I am no good person. What exactly is a good person anyways?"

Shira backed away slightly.

"Aren..."
I looked at Shira.

"Go ahead... try to stop me... give me some feeling of worth."
Shira motioned her hands downward.

"Aren... you are important..."

Tears slowly build at the back of my eyes.

"Please... judge me... judge me thoroughly-tell me what kind of person I am! Tell me how utterly disgusting I have become-how much of a terrible person I am!"
My hand slightly moved, the pistol in my grip as I squeezed it tightly.

Shira shook her head.

"You're not a bad person Aren!"

What?

My hand slightly shifted for a moment.

Shira took her chance and hugged me tightly, holding my hand with the pistol downwards.

I pulled the trigger, a loud bang coming from the barrel.

She started to cry against my shoulder.

"Stop it... please! Just stop it! I can't take this anymore!"

Why are you crying...?

Shira held me tightly by my shoulders as she looked at me.

"Look... you are still important! And if anyone... if anyone deserves to be judged... it's me!"
My head suddenly stung...

"ENOUGH!"
At the other end of the room Ragniels voice came from the doorway.

I looked at Ragniel as Shira continued to cry against my shoulders.

Ragniel walked over to us.

"Shira... leave... now..."

Shira held onto me tightly.

"No..."

Ragniel looked at us angrily for a moment.

"You and I both know... just leave, Shira... please... besides, he couldn't have killed himself even if he wanted to-his gun is filled with blanks-"
Shira let go of me and pushed herself off of me as she turned around and slapped Ragniel across his face.

"Ragniel... you know what we did... and you know that your promise to me is broken! That your promise to... stop trying to fix your mistakes already... can't you see all that you have done is make it worse... so very much worse..."

Shira looked back at me with a smile.

"I know... I may have seemed to be rather cold but... Aren... just listen to this. None of this is your fault..."

Shira walked away and out of the room.

Ragniel looked at me with hurt eyes