life support

01

six years. it's been six years since my parents and I found out about my 'condition.' the doctors told my mother that it was inevitable because it was in her blood line. they told my dad that there was barely anything they could do. sure, surgeries would help and keep my alive longer but there was no guarantee that I would even live till 25.

my mother always told me that I was her little miracle. what's a miracle about what I'm going through? where's the miracles in sickness? call me a pessimist but I knew that there was no miracle in any of this. I was a little ball of death waiting for what's bound to happen at one point.

my dad told me that I would overcome this within a year. six years and I'm still here. both of my parents stopped visiting after my second year at evergreen hospital. my mother blamed herself and my father said it was 'too depressing' to see their little girl bundled up in IV tubes and saline bags.

so here I sit, 18 years old, with my nurse checking my blood pressure for the thousandth time today. it's three in the morning you think the woman would give me a break. she was an intern so it took her a bit to figure out my sarcasm and witty humor.

"morning brentley. how are you feeling?" dr.ellis asked. dr.ellis is a fourty-somethin man with blue eyes and a kind smile. he's the one that told me about my breast cancer. he's always made sure that I've had the best of everything.

"I feel like this woman doesn't know what a vein is. it's too early, could we possibly do this at a later time?" the woman sticking me fifty times gave me a dirty look and finally found my vein. she taped the iv down and walked out of the room.

"we have some results." results. everytime they tell me the results it's always that my cancer has gotten worse. it's spread. he's gonna bump my life span down ,like he did last week, by another two years.

"lay it on me. am I gonna live til 20 now?" I laid my head back further into my pillow and closed my eyes. the IV always have me bad headaches but dr.ellis said there wasn't much he could do about that. I needed the meds.

"it's spread further. we have to do another surgery."

I know it was coming but, it didn't lessen the blow. "we can always do chemo." my eyes shot open and I sat up.

"I told you. no matter what I am not doing chemo. my hair is the only thing I have left. schedule my surgery."

without another word he left. he knew how I felt about chemo yet he always asked me.

but what I said was true. after my parents had left me and my friends disowned me all I had was my brunette locks. I wouldn't let any doctor take that from me. no matter how much my life depended on it.

one of the orderlies came in and set my food down next to my bed with my medicine. I didn't notice him. usually I know all of the orderlies that come through here. this one looked young probably a year or two older than me with brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes.

"and who are you?" the orderly stopped prepping my meds and looked at me then smiled.

"I'm Jake."