The Writer

Chapter 4

I invariably have a morning series of things to do. Like jotting down first in my journal. And today i feel the need to write down my thoughts.

04:45am my room
When will i use my voice to express my feelings to someone i like? When will this heart be in the state of being used to give love and joy? Is it really hard to fall anyway? Or is it the fear of suffering in deprivation that stops me from loving someone? I don't know. Ive never felt something like this before. Something that strongly fascinates me and eventually an intense aversion. What's this? So strange and youth. ♪♪

I entered into an amazing reverie about what i wrote. But it just for while , I stopped and shook my head. Someone just open a door of curiosity in my heart.To my dismay, I get up and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower.

After i arranged my desired attire and make-up today, i cheered myself for satisfaction and convince myself that this day will outclass yesterday. I went down seeing my mom practicing her new sewing machine.

"Hey fia, look! Im trying this new thing to give pleasure to myself especially by distracting my attention from what burdens or distresses
me lately".

It was ten years ago that her husband, my dad, left us. She didn't know the main reason why did he abandoned such a perfect life he had with her. Well, mom is a lovely person. She had everything a man could asked for a wife. She is a painstaking person. I wouldn't forget how mom tried to lift my overloaded bag from school until we get home. Well i had an idea how heavy it was so i knew how she made so much effort to carry it all for me. Mom is almost perfect. She's very careful about accepting or choosing something as careful as not offending someone. She's not hard to please, rarely sometimes. Other than that, she's beautiful outwardly. I got her fine white skin like a snow and an eyes that has a shade of gray. Her posture never changed. It was so unfair to any other single girl out there, she still have a good posture and a perfect vital statistic which i also got from her. And who wouldn't fall inlove with her natural blonde straight hair that has a scent of her favorite shampoo. I could smell it right where i stand.

"I got you mom, see you later".

I dropped the topic as i instinctively know what stresses her lately. My dad has been calling her since the day he got our house digits. After five years of suffering and waiting for his comeback, mom decided to let go of everything. The chances of getting him back from the chick he replaced to my mom and the little hope that we will be a whole happy family again. Then afterall the risk of letting go, he will have the guts to be back like nothing shattered and like it's easy to pick up the fragments of our yesterday's nightmare.

I made a quick peck on her cheek and hug her from her back.

"Hey, your breakfast!"

"Can i just have a sandwich along the way?. I need to go to the park as early as i can. I want to finish this thing". Im talking about my preciouse journal.

"Are you sure? Or are you meeting someone out there?"

"Mom, you're insane!"

"Fia, words!" She slightly striked me at my arms with her right hand.

"Alright im sorry mother, i better get going. Bye!" Before i ran off outside to where my car is, i gave her a flying kiss to atleast just send her a code saying MOM EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. And i think she deciphered it because she gracefully nod at me.

Beforehand, i felt the urge today that i will get along something dissimilar to what i regularly do. Im breaking my rules today, im not going to the park because im going to get on school today sooner than before. I don't feel like writing there now.Things seems occured briskly. I don't know why or how but the occurence yesterday and the guy behind the reason of it affects me so much in an erractic way.