Irish Mute

Chapter 5

Slamming my locker shut, I turn and hurry to History class. I’m nervous about seeing Keegan. Will he ignore me? Or go on as if nothing happened?

I can’t believe I actually said no. I told myself-prepared myself- be ok about it and say yes. But when the moment came, I froze. I froze and I don’t know how to fix that.

Hesitating at the door, I shake my head at myself. Just because I turned him down doesn’t mean that he’ll hate me or something. This is Keegan! He’s such a nice guy after all.

Chin up, I walk into the classroom and head over to my seat. Keegan sits in his and doesn’t look up when I walk by. That’s normal I tell myself. He doesn’t always look up.

Mary shoots me a look before writing something on a piece paper. I snap my fingers towards Keegan but he continues to ignore me. I quelch the feeling of dread rising up inside of me.

I turn just in time to catch the little piece of paper that flies to my desk. I open it up after taking another glance at Keegan. Biting my lip, I read what Mary wrote.

What happened? He’s been so sad looking since he came in here and then you came in. He got an angry look and now he won’t look back up.

I look over at her. “I’ll tell you later.”

The rest of the class I don’t pay attention. How could I when, the guy I never meant to hurt won’t speak to me?

English class was just as worse. He shot a narrow eyed look toward me and then ignored me the rest of the time. I get that I turned him down, but does he need to be that angry or is it just a guy thing?

Running my hand down my face, I head over to our normal lunch table. Mary is already sitting there, eagerly waiting for my story.

More like a nightmare.

Setting down my lunch, I ignore her narrowed eyes and pick at my odd looking lunch meal. It’s only a couple seconds until she breaks.

 “Ok, Linn seriously. Just tell me! What happened? You guys were great!”

I look up at her and in that moment I break. I tell her how he sat next to me under the tree, how I invited him over and everything else that went on that night, ending with my rejecting his offer.

When I’m finished, she just looks at me with her mouth open. “Ok, so you can’t move forward because you’re… scared?”

“Yes! I freak out when I think about dating and all that comes with it. Besides I don’t think of Keegan like that. As least I don’t think I do. What do I do?” I let my head fall onto the table.

She sighs. “Well my friend, it looks like you have a decision to make. Follow your brain, or your heart?”

I wish it wasn’t so hard to choose. We finish the rest of lunch in silence as I try to figure out what’s going to happen now.

As the bell rings, I dump my food and head to my next class.

I thought by the next day Keegan would be alright again but apparently I’m just not a lucky person. That’s how it goes for the entire month. At first I would come into class and wave at him, sending him a small smile but he always ignored me.

I guess I can’t be too angry at him. I told myself we’d be just friends but maybe this is better. There’s no temptation around him, no unwanted feelings. I don’t need Keegan.

Of course I know that’s a lie. So I just chose to ignore him back. The more I pay attention to him, the more I’m drawn in.

Now, watching him walk down the hallway with his arm over Candy Mil’s shoulder, I felt as if I’ve been sucker punched. I may have finally admitted that I like him, but he’s not mine to claim!