Not Anymore. [Sad Liam Imagine]

It was raining. Just like my what my eyes were doing the past few weeks. Everything is gloomy. Nothing is ever bright. Niall isn't shining anymore. Louis isn't immature anymore. Harry isn't cheeky anymore. Zayn isn't... well, happy. I had it worse. It was another day. Another day of thinking about you... but you were gone. Gone, far away... I can't talk to you anymore. 

*A few weeks ago.

"Liam, stop it!" [Y/N] giggles. "You know I don't like being tickled! Especially in that spot!" She yells at me, smiling. I kept tickling her, until eventually, I stopped. "I love you." I say to her with a serious face. "I love you too, Liam Payne." She smiles. Her smile lit up my world. She can make a star look like it wasn't shining. She was unbelievably beautiful. "Babe, quit staring at me." [Y/N] blushes. "Your just too beautiful to not be stared at." I reply with a friendly smile. She keeps blushing. "So, why don't we hit the road, babe?" I tell her, breaking the tension. "Sure! Lets pick up some Starbucks on the way out of the Capital, shall we?" She says with puppy dog eyes. I smirk and nod. We were gonna catch our flight in New York. We were heading back to the UK.

We left and head for the nearest Starbucks. She got a vanilla frappacino, her usual. I got a chocolate mocha with whip. I paid for the drinks and head for the road. We left the Capital and started jamming to 'I Love It' By Icona Pop. We started singing along very loudly and we laughed. When the song ended, me and the boys' song came on, 'Rock Me'. I sang my part to her and she winked. I chuckled and wasn't paying attention to the road. "LIAM, LOOK OUT!" [Y/N] screamed. Then blackout.

I woke up with the boys by my side. "LIAM! THANK GOD YOU'RE AWAKE." Niall screamed. I sat up and felt light-headed. "Where am I?" I asked the boys. "You're in the hospital... you and [Y/N] got into a terrible car crash." Zayn answered. I got worried. "W-wheres... [Y/N]?" I stutter. The boys looked at eachother shamefully. Thats when it hit me. "I-is... she..." I stutter with tears welling up. The boys nodded and began to sob with me. "How... why... did this happen to me? WHY ME?" I yell with tears streaming down my face. Niall sits down beside me and hugs me, trying to comfort me. I cry in his neck and let him go, punching the bed. "WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE FUCKING ME?!" I yelled. The boys looked at me with shock, they never heard me curse. I cried in my arms and looked at my arms. I found 4 stitches on [Y/N]'s name tattoo on my arm.

It made me feel worse. We've been together for 4 years. I was gonna ask her hand for marrige when we got back to the UK. Plus, she was gonna give me a surprise when we got back... but I already knew the surprise. I overheard her talking on the phone with her best friend, saying... "[Y/B/F/N], I'm pregnant! I know, I can't believe it either. I'm telling Liam when we get back to the UK. He has a surprise for me, I got one for him too!" She says, rubbing her belly. At that moment, I felt like I just got in the X Factor all over again. I just wanted to touch her belly, but she might think I knew. All, the memories flush in my mind and every tear was for her. Her, and baby Payne... that never got to know how to ride a bicycle, win a football game, or even hug her/his father for the first time while saying, "I love you, Daddy". 

*Present time.

I was in [Y/N]'s and mine's flat. There were boxes by the door, filled with [Y/N]'s stuff. The lads helped and left about an hour ago, and I was left here... to deal with some things, alone. I walked around the place, and with every turn, I could see [Y/N] on the couch, watching something while I was sleeping, hungover... or in the kitchen, making my favourite dish. I could see her on the patio, sunbathing. I could see her in our walk-in closet, choosing an outfit for our date... but now, I won't be able to see her, in the spare room that was supposed to be the nursery, holding Baby Payne and singing to him/her. I fell to my knees when I got into our bedroom. I broke down and started sobbing. 

After a few more sobs, I got up and started searching for a paper and a pen. When I found it, I wrote a good-bye letter to the boys, saying... "Dear boys, don't think I left because of you guys. You guys gave me the most awesome years of my life, including [Y/N]. I can't get over the fact that my honey is gone... so, this is a good-bye note from your brother, Liam Payne. Signing out for the last time, bye lads. I'll miss you. -Liam.xx" I left the note on my dresser, along with a photo of me and [Y/N]. I looked around for the last time, before saying good-bye. I went into my closet and got rope and tied it to the rod. I got a stool and stood on it, and wrapped the rope around my neck, scratching me with every move. I thought about [Y/N] once more... and the Baby that could've been here in 9 months. I let a tear roll down my face and my last thought was...

"I'm not gonna feel this pain. Not anymore." and kicked the stool away.

"Not anymore."