Two Steps Back -Avi Kaplan Fanfic

Prologue: Keep Asking Why

Bang!
Suddenly the big steel doors burst open with a flash to reveal another hospital corridor. I looked down at Amelia, gripping hold of her hand for dear life. I kept running ahead with all of the emergency crew next to me. Every second I kept looking down at her, seeing if she had managed to open her eyes. No, still nothing. In my mind, over and over again I kept praying and praying that she would give me some sort of sign that she will be okay. Why do I need to pray? I thought to myself she's going to be okay! I know she is, she's just fainted that's all. I looked up and around me to see the medical crew's faces getting more and more worried looking by the minute. All together there was 6 of us around the stretcher. 2 were holding some sort of water bag and a blood bag. The other 2 were wheeling the stretcher and the other one, a woman around in her forties or fifties, kept speaking to and checking Amelia's pulse.
As we got closer to the emergency room, my heart started to beat even more quicker and my head started to spin even more. Questions started to pop up and I couldn't think straight, everything was going so fast. Was she going to be okay? What will happen if I lose her? Would she stay with me if I was still alive? Will she ever forgive me? I shook my head and concentrated as much as I could on my surroundings. I need to think positive! I need to for Amelia. I looked down at her again and this time she was much paler and cold looking. The nurse who was checking her pulse also noticed this and kept trying to communicate with her. "Amelia, can you hear me sweetheart? My name's Carla. If you can hear me darling, I need you to do something for me and that is to hold on and stay strong. We are going to be there in a moment. Just hold on. Your boyfriend is here with you to!". She looked at me and I looked at her. I nodded my head unsurely and looked down at Amelia again. "Yeah babe I'm here, I'm always going to be here. Your going to be alright, they are going to patch you up and get you well again. I'm right here by your side" I said nearly filling myself up with tears. I looked at the nurse again and she smiled sadly and gave me a nod to say well done. After a few more corridors, we all finally made it to the rhesus part. As we dived in to the room, I heard Nurse Clara talk to the doctor. "This is Amelia Smith. She is 26 years old and has a really dangerous wack to the head and has lost a lot of blood. She has had some 20g of morphine and had CPR performed on her too. She is now unresponsive and her pulse is dropping." The doctor nodded and was at her side in a instant "okay let's take a look" As more nurses and doctors rushed around her body, I couldn't help and feel vulnerable. I wanted to be by Amelia, I wanted to be the one to help her but I can't, I was too scared. I stood there paralyzed, looking at what is happening. From what I can see now, they are hooking her up to a pulse machine and keep giving her CPR. Other doctors were cutting off her clothes, why? Everyone, everywhere where doing different things and I couldn't focus on it. My head was just spinning and spinning. From the corner of my eye, my world started to go black and my breathing became heavier and heavier, almost to the point where I couldn't breath. I gripped onto my chest and fell backwards a little, trying to find my way where I was. By now everything was black and I couldn't breath, I felt like I was drowning, dying? No I can't be. Relying on my hearing now, I started to here a long beeping noise and a few feet running. I couldn't take this any longer, I need to know what was going on. "Someone help, I think I'm dying, help please". Feet start to come towards my direction and in moments, i had someone at my side. It was Nurse Clara. "Sweetheart, what's up? What's going on?" She said calmly. I shook my head and shrugged "I dunno, I can't see anything and I can't breath." I said in a panic. "Okay darling, what your experiencing is something called a panic attack. These are fairly normal but I need you to come with me to treat it." I shook my head and backed away a little "no I can't. I need to stay here with Amelia, she needs me. Please tell me what's going on with her, what's that beeping sound, I need to know". I never got a response and just felt myself being lead away. Along the way, I kept repeating the same questions over and over again and yet still no response. All I could here was the fading of the beeping noise and little did I know, that would be the end of my world.
(2 hours later)
I couldn't help but stare at the white wall in front of me while the heavy wet tears streamed down my face. After the half an hour I got lead way, my sight came back and my breath became normal again but sadly an hour after, Nurse Clara came and told me the answer I've been dreading to my questions. At 2:06am on Wednesday morning, my girlfriend Amelia Smith passed away with a blood clot and brain injury. They said that she as already brain dead by the time she got into the hospital. At first, I couldn't understand if they were being truthful or not, or if they were testing me but as she said it for the second time, I new it had to be true. I prayed for a long time that it wouldn't but I guess God isn't on my side. I couldn't help but grip my teeth at the thought of her. Anger filled over me but so did the hurt and sadness of it all. All I could do at this moment in time was cry. Cry for the pain of missing her. The pain of never seeing her again. The pain of knowing she is never coming back. The pain of knowing she will never say I love you again. I felt my teeth grit again and this time, the anger wasn't going away. In fact, I had to make it go away. I looked at the other wall beside me and looked at it for a moment. Before you could even blink, with fall rage, I punched the wall to the side of me with fall pelt, bang!. I stood there for a moment, not wanting to let go of the fist that I have created with my hand. I slowed down my breath and just couldn't help but think, everything has finally changed. My Heart broke in two and I started to feel even more tears rush down my face. So many that they started to drip onto the floor. I sighed to myself and spoke in a shaky voice. "Amelia, I promise I will never forget you. I love you and I always will. Ill always remember you baby" I said feeling even more deflated. Will anyone ever understand the pain that I'm going through?. It was silent for a moment, wondering if anyone would answer me. Giving me an answer that someone might be there for me, but there was just silence. I sighed and started to talk to myself, trying to get my head wrapped around every little detail. "I guess no one will ever understand my pain" I said "my life has changed now but not in a good way. I wanted Amelia with me forever and always but guess life doesn't plan it to go well for me." I gave a one last sigh before I decided to lay down onto the bench. I shut my eyes, thinking about Amelia. That night, I didn't know what awaited me, the nightmares and the crying. I thought it would only last a couple of months. Little did I know, it was there to stay, forever and always.