Loved You First

Ch. 12 The Fudging Lottery

Two weeks have gone by since the Harry incident. At first I was too pissed to even think about how the world would be if I didn't hate him with all my soul and purpose. Then Niall talked to me. He said it wasn't like me to hate him, or anyone. All the boys agreed. Harry was pleased with the idea. Especially since I was sure he is looking for a rebound. Yah, not happening bruh. Oh yes! I forgot to mention he and Taylor broke up right after he promised to ' prove his love to me'. Didn't quite work. So we decided on just friends. No such thing, I know. But I think I've gotten over him. I might like someone else. Now everyone thinks Niall likes me and I am the only one that refuses to believe so. If he liked me he would have done something by now, right? Thought so. Unless you said no, in that case he would have so kissed me by now. He's not a coward.

" I'm a coward." Niall startles me stomping into my room. Okay so maybe he can be a little chicken but come on! He has had 16 years to do something if he wanted something other than a friendly bond. 16 years! That's a hell of a lot of time.

" No your not! Why do you say that." I turn to him placing my laptop on the bed. He lays next to me, head on my belly. His blue eyes stare at me and it take all my power not to drown in them. 

" Yes I am! I have wanted to ask this girl out for the longest period of time and she looks at me as a brother!" He whines. Shit. I that girl me? Nah.

      My head take too much information. I glitch. So now I'm processing all the clues I have so obliviously missed. Everything my friends have told me. The clues he's left. The many times he has tried to tell me but has always been interrupted. Everything is trying to fit into my mind. 

" Lay with me?" He asks sweetly like he might just cry if I turn him down. I simply nod my mouth failing. My brain missing the whole point of the language that is English.

   I lay next to him. He plays with my hand. I shift trying to find comfort. I decide on his chest. If only the would sell pillows like Niall Horan's chest I swear I would make a fort out of them on my bed. His heart beats fast almost as if he's nervous. Nervous for what? Finally his fingers come to a stop. They are intwined with mine.I look down at our hands. They look good. They look tumblr like. We would totally be a tumblr couple. And have tumblr kids. With tumblr names in a tumblr house. Savannah what the hell! This is your best friend! Niall! He's had 16 years to make an actual move and when he did he made me forget about it. He was dating freaking Demi Lavato. 

" Do you think she'll like me?" He asks shyly. I hate his insecurities. He really doesn't know how special he is? Sometimes I think I should be the one to sing 'WMYB'.

" Honeybun if she doesn't like you she's stupid." I state. There is every truth to what I just said. Whoever is too blind or ignorant to not like Niall is a disgrace to the human race. 

   He laughs. " Making up pet names now are we?'" He says with his cute Irish accent.

"Maybe," I blush. He kissed the back of my hand over and over again. i love when he does that. Then he takes it right up to his face. I'm waiting for his lips to come in contact with my skin but he simply just stares at me as a whole. I don't say anything. For some reason there is a fear in the back of my head that warns this could be the last time. The last intimate moment. Now that I've come to think of it I've take n so many for granted. 

His eyes pierce mine. They are so blue they remind me of Poisiden, God of the sea and oceans. " You are so beautiful whoever that guy is he will be winning the fucking lottery. Whoever you fall in love with-" I cut him off.

" First of, thank you. But I've given up on boys." I clarify.

His eyes grow big.

" I never said I was gay! Jezuss! Second of all will you stop cursing!" I spat. He blushes. He's so cute when he blushed.

" Okay. Fine. The guy you fall in love with will win the fudging lottery. Is that better?" He asks correcting himself. His attempt is adorable.

" Much. But I will never fall in love." I state like declaring war against my hormones. They certainly don't like what they are hearing.

His eyebrows go up. He thinks I'm bluffing. Of course he does. He's like my brother, he grew up with me. He knows I have always been a helpless romantic. But I've changed.

" I'm serious Niall. I don't believe in love. At least not that kind anymore." I say the sound of my words and the realization behind them almost making me cry.

" Don't say that S." He sighs wiping a tear from my face and closing the spare air between us. " Just because Harry hurt you doesn't mean all boys are like that." Oh I know that Niall. I know for a fact that your are no way near Harry's relationship skills.

" Niall I know. The girl you fall in love with is going to win the fudging lottery. I have just grown to realize that love itself is a overrated religion. Whether or not you believe in it is your choice. I choose not to because I think it's just bullcrap people invent when they are afraid of dying alone. Or when they get bored and lonely. It's a craving. And it's stereotyped in so many ways you are inevitably going to be disappointed with what you get." I try to explain but I really just burst into tears in his arms. This is the first time in two weeks I cry because of him. And I try to make it the last. I try to desert every tear in my system that has anything to do with him.

      At least I try. As Niall holds my firmly in his grip. Whispering and kissing my ear and my cheek and my forehead. Almost every part of my face except my lips. Those have remained untouched for two weeks.