I was still siting there holding on to the grass and screaming, asking for someone to help me or kill me. I was scary and alone. I was so weak I could not move one bit. i was scary this would be the end, that this would be my death. The most thing that scarys me is i would never see jake a again. I had one picture in my head of jake, of his face and his touch. Soon all that I remember of my love or my life will flow away. All the love I had and i share with jake is all gone and i can't get it back. It's like everything about me or I am is slowly dissapearing and not even power of god could stop it. I am becoming like the wind, once's fill with beauty and then gone the next minture. i am like a flowing ocean, I melt away in the air. I know beauty now more then I know my self. i am not speaking from my mouth a or from words. I am speaking from my thoughts, I am talking in my mind. Soon that will also dissapear too long with everything other. I know I will die but I can't help but feel sad that I can't see jake or Kim or even david a again. I know I must forget them all for there own good. If they don't forget me then they will feel sadness for my unbreaking soul and for my death.
I know These's feels of longing also will dissapear too and I am sad because of that. I feel alone and like I am melting away in the cold wind on the cold grass ground. I feel like I want to cry out tears of blood but my tears have all ready turn to ice. I am scary of closeing my eyes because if i do I feel like everything I know willl dissapear and that i will wake up in darkness all alone. I am scary of the dark more then the light. I don't want to become a monster and die at this dark place. I want to see Jake one last time. I am scary of the night. I want to gave so must but I can't. Then I would not be the person that jake and kim love so. I would be that monster if I did that. I am still me, I can feel that I am still her. i am starting to change by bit into something more ugly. I will still fight it. I will not let the moonlight and the cold ice fire burning in me, turn me into a blood dark souless vampire. I were lose my soul even if I have to kill myself to stop it from happening.
