It is hard to understand.
Whether I have grown throughout my 17 years on this Earth.
And, though I fear I'm shrinking.
I choose to speak before I disappear.
Into nothingness. Non existence. Just empty.
I have no voice and yet I can say words.
Words that allow me to give opinions,
explain questions and answers as though I am an expert.
And yell out my fears as only a human can.
I can spout nonsense and give appropriate humor at the right moment at will,
And whisper gossip into the wrong person's ear.
Yet, I have no voice.
I have been raised in a society where if I shout at a moment's notice I won't be heard.
I could cry out,
in pain at the lost of a loved one but be buried under the voices of those who don't care.
But would rather change the subject to what they deem is more important.
And I would yell, as a woman that I'm being treated unfair
Only to be turned away because hell if they care that I'm an emotional wreck cause that's all women?
And if I dare, state that love is love and I'm proud to love regardless of gender..
I get shut down and told to hush rather I be punished for being me.
So here I sit, and there I stand only to be pushed down
and told to stay because what place should I be,
if not underneath your feet?
My seventeen years of life and not once have I ever truly spoken.
Without mimicking the sound of others,
Without being a puppet whose strings have been yanked again and again with no end.
I yell,
I cry,
I whisper and here I slowly die.
But if I were to end up six feet deep.
Society would be my voice.
They would take my words and twist them until I'm rolling in my coffin.
"She was a beautiful lost soul who was mistreated and unloved and I swear this is what she wanted!"
And I can't help but laugh,
because NOW they give me a voice.
But only because it's convenient to them.
So, I could cry out saying how,
I can't go on because my world has turned upside down
and you would put me down because,
"X has it worst. Stop complaining."
Yet five seconds later I hear,
"I have OCD oh my God" or " I can't do XYZ I have anxiety"
When you've never even dealt with such things to begin with.
You all use your voice yet when I try, how dear I?
So, this is me.
Speaking to you. I am 17, I love whoever I want.
I am smart, I have been through hell and I am stronger for it,
I am an African American women and I have a voice.
I can shake the world with my thoughts,
and can bring kindness or rain hell among you.
I won't be hidden away and I surely won't let you warp my words.
I may not know what I plan to do with my voice,
but I do know it is mine alone.
So say something, I dare you.
-S
